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Band 7

Many criminals reoffened after they have been punished. Why do some people contribute to commit crimes after they have been punished, and What measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

#criminals #people #crimes #measures
Some
criminals
 re-offend after they take their punishment. There are many reasons that let
criminals
 commit another crime. In
this
 essay, I will spotlight some of the causes and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
solutions for
this
 issue.
Initially
, many citizens are engaging in illegal work for different reasons.
First,
they do not know well about the law and they are not getting enough education to understand the environment and the boundaries.
Second,
people who commit crimes could live in a bad environment and do not have a good upbringing.
On the other hand
,
criminals
 reoffended after they had their discipline for many purposes,
for example
 : they did not take the appropriate discipline from the authorities.
Furthermore
, when these people spend their punishment in jail they do not qualify to re-merge in the community.
In addition
, after the law is applied to them the criminal feels low self-esteem, so they need some mercy from society. The Lawbreakers need more empathy from the community after they finish their discipline and return to normal life.If they face a kind of people's rejection they feel bad about themselves and start hating their family and friends and the whole society. To avoid
this
 consequence, the government should play a significant role in preparing these groups to build a new life outside the jail. In conclusion, many
criminals
 return to break the rule again after they take their punishment for any reason. In
this
 essay , I discussed some of the reasons and many solutions.
Also
, society should look at
this
 problem from the criminal's perspective to understand their actions.
Submitted by enass  on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more compelling and concrete.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to improve coherence. Breaking down paragraphs more carefully can enhance the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining your conclusion to summarize the main points more clearly and provide a final thought or recommendation.
task achievement
You have addressed the task well by discussing both reasons for reoffending and suggesting solutions.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides good structure.
task achievement
The language used is appropriate, and the ideas are generally clear and comprehensive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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