The growing number number of over wight people is putting strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. TO what extent do you agree or disagree?
Obesity is one of the major
health
condition
among the population these days. It is believed that adding physical education lessons Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
in
the study is the ultimate way to resolve Change preposition
to
this
issue. I completely support this
ideology, but many steps can be taken along with
this
.
Primarily, inducing physical health
in the school
can help reduce obesity rates among the
people by Correct article usage
apply
insilling
healthy habits early on. Correct your spelling
instilling
installing
However
, school
alone cannot solve the obesity crisis. The support from the community and parents must also
be involved to create an enviornment
that encourages physical activity and healthy eating. Correct your spelling
environment
After
Add a hyphen
After-school
school
sports programmes and community exercise can complement school
efforts
.
Secondly
, changes in government policies can show significant changes by promoting healthy lifestyle
. Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
For instance
, taxes on sugary items and subsides on the
healthy food can be effective, creating public safe spaces allowing people to exercise and regulating food advertising aimed at children are the other Correct article usage
apply
Correct your spelling
measure
measures
measre
that can support Correct your spelling
means
school's
Correct article usage
the school's
efforts
Thirdly
, If school
implements system
to evaluate fitness and Add an article
a system
health
including regular health
assessment. This
can help in early
identification of potential Correct article usage
the early
health
Correct your spelling
issues and
issuesand
allow Correct your spelling
issues and
to
for timely interventions
In conclusion, Change preposition
apply
school
efforts
can help creating
change in Wrong verb form
create
obseity
rates but Correct your spelling
obesity
school
alone cannot Fix the agreement mistake
schools
sove
Correct your spelling
solve
save
this
issue alone. Government, parents and community efforts
and equally essential to resolve this
issue.Submitted by nick
on
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task achievement
While your essay addresses the key points, it would benefit from providing more specific examples to support your arguments. This can strengthen your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This will enhance the logical flow and coherence of your essay. Consider using more cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
Take care to proofread for grammar and spelling errors. Although minor errors do not drastically affect your score, minimizing them can make your essay even more effective.
coherence cohesion
Try to make your ideas even clearer by structuring your paragraphs more consistently. Introduce a main idea, support it with evidence, and conclude or link it to your next point.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively states your position and sets up what will be discussed in the essay. This helps in providing a clear direction.
complete response
You provide a well-rounded response by suggesting multiple approaches to combat obesity, which enhances the completeness of your answer.
clear comprehensive ideas
The inclusion of government policies and community efforts shows your critical thinking about the topic, which enriches the depth of your discussion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.