The growing number number of over wight people is putting strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. TO what extent do you agree or disagree?

#wight #people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Obesity is one of the major

health

Use synonyms

condition

Fix the agreement mistake

conditions

show examples

among the population these days. It is believed that adding physical education lessons

Change preposition

show examples

the study is the ultimate way to resolve

this

Linking Words

issue. I completely support

this

Linking Words

ideology, but many steps can be taken

along with

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

. Primarily, inducing physical

health

Use synonyms

in the

school

Use synonyms

can help reduce obesity rates among

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people by

insilling

Correct your spelling

instilling

installing

healthy habits early on.

However

Linking Words

school

Use synonyms

alone cannot solve the obesity crisis. The support from the community and parents must

also

Linking Words

be involved to create an

enviornment

Correct your spelling

environment

that encourages physical activity and healthy eating.

After

Add a hyphen

After-school

show examples

school

Use synonyms

sports programmes and community exercise can complement

school

Use synonyms

efforts

Use synonyms

Secondly

Linking Words

, changes in government policies can show significant changes by promoting healthy

lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

show examples

For instance

Linking Words

, taxes on sugary items and subsides on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

healthy food can be effective, creating public safe spaces allowing people to exercise and regulating food advertising aimed at children are the other

Correct your spelling

measure

measures

measre

Correct your spelling

means

that can support

Use synonyms

school's

Correct article usage

the school's

show examples

efforts

Use synonyms

Thirdly

Linking Words

, If

school

Use synonyms

implements

system

Add an article

a system

show examples

to evaluate fitness and

health

Use synonyms

including regular

health

Use synonyms

assessment.

This

Linking Words

can help in

early

Correct article usage

the early

show examples

identification of potential

health

Use synonyms

Correct your spelling

issues and

issuesand

Correct your spelling

issues and

allow

Change preposition

apply

show examples

for timely interventions In conclusion,

school

Use synonyms

efforts

Use synonyms

can help

creating

Wrong verb form

create

show examples

change in

obseity

Correct your spelling

obesity

rates but

Use synonyms

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

alone cannot

sove

Correct your spelling

solve

save

this

Linking Words

issue alone. Government, parents and community

efforts

Use synonyms

and equally essential to resolve

this

Linking Words

issue.

Submitted by nick on Tue May 21 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

While your essay addresses the key points, it would benefit from providing more specific examples to support your arguments. This can strengthen your task achievement score.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This will enhance the logical flow and coherence of your essay. Consider using more cohesive devices.

coherence cohesion

Take care to proofread for grammar and spelling errors. Although minor errors do not drastically affect your score, minimizing them can make your essay even more effective.

coherence cohesion

Try to make your ideas even clearer by structuring your paragraphs more consistently. Introduce a main idea, support it with evidence, and conclude or link it to your next point.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction effectively states your position and sets up what will be discussed in the essay. This helps in providing a clear direction.

complete response

You provide a well-rounded response by suggesting multiple approaches to combat obesity, which enhances the completeness of your answer.

clear comprehensive ideas

The inclusion of government policies and community efforts shows your critical thinking about the topic, which enriches the depth of your discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

220 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

obesity rate
healthcare system
physical education
school curriculum
instilling healthy habits
comprehensive health education
balanced diets
long-term benefits
mental health
lifestyle choices
parental involvement
community organizations
environmental changes
government policies
taxes on sugary drinks
subsidies for healthy foods
public spaces
food advertising
health assessments
early identification
timely interventions

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
In some contries, owing a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?
In several nations, owning a house is considered as a northworthy discussion. In this essay, it is more beneficial to owning house due to the long live.
6.5
band
Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
These days, there is no doubt that the world is flat and humans could never have embarked on our ascent to unparalleled power to conquer nature as well as reach a higher level of development without the contribution of experts. A lot of people believe that professionals like engineers and doctors ought to be obliged to work in the country where they were educated. Whereas, others believe they should be free to work overseas as they wish. In this essay, I will discuss the rationales behind these two views before showing I favour the latter point of view.
7
band
Some people think that governments should invest mainly in making public transportation faster while other think there are more important priorities (cost, the environment). Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
People can be separated into different groups when they talk about communal vehicles. Some believe that it is fundamental that governments invest massive budgets to construct faster transportation, meanwhile, others say that the government should be concerned about practical issues like cost and green ecosystem. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss both perspectives and give reasons why I agree with the first opinion.
6
band
Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is argued that communication and living with foreign people in another country results in social and practical issues and challenges. I completely disagree with this notion because of its benefits such as gaining experience and personal growth. In the following essay, I will express my thoughts.
4.5
band
Today's society is based on laws and rules. It can't function well if individuals are free to do whatever they want. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
These days, our society is basend on under the rules and regulations. Some say that society cannot function properly when people have more freedom which they can do anything. I stronlgly agree with this statement because it creates more crimes and voilences, this essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.

Fully explain your ideas

In some contries, owing a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that governments should invest mainly in making public transportation faster while other think there are more important priorities (cost, the environment). Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Today's society is based on laws and rules. It can't function well if individuals are free to do whatever they want. To what extent do you agree or disagree?