IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might be this case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #home #people #case #development
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Individuals in a few mother countries believe having a personal residence is
vital
Correct quantifier usage
more vital
show examples
 than hiring
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one.
This
Linking Words
 might be because a self-home gives
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
self esteem
Add a hyphen
self-esteem
show examples
 and
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
 of own personal space to family. I think it is a positive situation as you don’t have to pay
rent
Use synonyms
, don’t have to stress out for debts. People who have their own house are wealthier because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they have their space to live. They can decorate and organise the home as they wish too.
For example
Linking Words
, a Christmas party is organised which needs some extra decorations to the
wall
Use synonyms
hence
Linking Words
, a family with their accommodation place will not have to worry if
Use synonyms
wall
Add an article
the wall
show examples
 gets damaged.
In contrast
Linking Words
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people who have
Use synonyms
rent
Replace the word
rented
show examples
 accommodation will have to think twice before they decorate the
wall
Use synonyms
 as damage to the
wall
Use synonyms
 will cause them to pay extra money to the land owner.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the family members don’t have to worry
to pay
Change preposition
about paying
show examples
monthly
Add an article
the monthly
a monthly
show examples
rent
Use synonyms
 to
owner
Add an article
the owner
show examples
 of the house rather they can save up for future maintenance of their residence.
For example
Linking Words
, a family living in Australia is unable to pay
rent
Use synonyms
 for consecutive 2 months
due to
Linking Words
 which the head of the family is taking medications
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 to reduce stress and is been working overtime to earn more money in order to pay the
rent
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in brief people in some countries should have their own home and personal space
instead
Linking Words
paying
Change preposition
of paying
show examples
rent
Use synonyms
 to the owner of the house and having stress about maintaining the residence.
Submitted by nikitanalawade681 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion, ensure your essay follows a clear and logical structure. Start with a strong introductory paragraph, followed by body paragraphs that each contain a single main idea, and finish with a concise conclusion.
coherence cohesion
When discussing examples or points, make sure they are fully developed and directly support your argument. This will help to make your essay more comprehensive and coherent.
task achievement
To enhance your task response, focus on defining your reasons more clearly and ensure they are directly related to the question. This will help strengthen the impact of your arguments.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate your points further. This makes your arguments more convincing and relatable.
general
Work on your grammar and vocabulary to avoid small inaccuracies that can distract the reader. Clear and error-free writing enhances the overall quality of your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by explaining why owning a home is important to some people and offering an opinion on whether it is a positive development.
task achievement
You provided real-life examples to support your arguments, which helps to make your points more concrete and understandable.
coherence cohesion
The essay's ideas are easy to follow, and your sentences are generally well-organized, contributing to overall coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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