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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, students take a year off after finishing school. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

#countries #students #year #school #trend
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The importance of taking a year off after completing school which was always debatable has now become more controversial with many people claiming that it is beneficial
while
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 others reject
this
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 notion. The substantial influence of
this
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 trend has sparked controversy over its potential impact in recent years.
This
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 essay will elaborate on both the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 trend and
thus
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 will lead to a logical conclusion. There are myriad benefits but the most preponderant one stems from the fact that it allows the students to discover their career interests. They gain exposure to the outside world and will be able to explore the job they love. Another pivotal benefit is that they learn teamwork, cooperation and discipline. They learn about cultures, and languages and understand global issues.
Moreover
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, it reduces the burden of their higher studies as they gather funds for higher studies.
However
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, there are some pitfalls that negate these arguments but the most alarming one is that they may find it difficult to adapt after
such
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 a long gap as students lose the momentum of their studies.
Besides
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, children may get distracted which can be disastrous for their career. They may fall into bad company.
In addition
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, it may ruin their bright future if the gap is not used productively.
Hence
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, it is apparent why many are against
this
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 trend. To recapitulate,
according to
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 the arguments aforementioned above, one can reach the conclusion that the advantages of taking a year off are instrumental indeed.
Nevertheless
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, its potential drawbacks should not be overlooked either.
Submitted by jagdeepsingh3699 on

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay presents valid points on both sides of the argument, showing a clear understanding of the topic. The introduction and conclusion are present but could be further developed to provide a clearer framework for your essay. Consider adding a stronger thesis statement in your introduction and a more conclusive summary in your conclusion to strengthen your argument.
logical structure
The essay has logical progression but could be refined to improve coherence. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively within and across paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of your argument, making it easier for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
relevant specific examples
You have provided examples to support your argument, which is good. However, aiming for more detailed and relevant examples would significantly strengthen your essay. Specific illustrations help to clarify your points and give the reader a more compelling evidence of the points made.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay addresses the task and covers appropriate ideas and concepts related to the prompt. However, it would benefit from a clearer progression of ideas. Start by clearly stating your position in the introduction, present each advantage and disadvantage with comprehensive explanations and examples, and finish with a balanced conclusion that ties back to your initial thesis.
complete response
You've addressed the topic in a fair manner, touching on both advantages and disadvantages, which fulfills the task requirement. To improve, give equal development to each point, ensuring that each advantage and disadvantage is clearly explained and substantiated with evidence or examples. This will provide a complete response that reflects a well-rounded view on the subject.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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