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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think the best option is to accept a difficult situation, such as having a job they do not enjoy or not having enough money. Others believe it is better to try to make such situations better. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is widely acknowledged that there is a trade-off between accepting and improvement when it comes to a
situation
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people
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 go through.
While
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 a significant number of
people
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 believe that accepting a difficult
situation
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 is more effective than other methods, others argue that it is better to try to improve
such
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 situations. I strongly believe that rather than accepting a hard case without trying,
people
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 should focus on enhancing these hard scenarios because advancement can bring new potential job
opportunities
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 and an increase in their revenue.
This
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 essay will elaborate on both opinions and my position with relevant arguments and examples. On the one hand, it is not the level of difficulty that determines
people
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's quality of life, but how many times they try to improve the situations they face.
This
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 is because they perceive hard times as a temporary struggle they can change, leading them to acquire new skills and adopt a positive mindset to overcome it, which triggers to stong desire to change.
As a result
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, when they face a new difficult problem, they can easily solve it with the help of their acquired abilities and
a
Correct article usage
apply
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mindset.
For instance
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, in the Age of Discovery, some countries suffered from low income, which led to scarcity for their citizens.
Instead
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 of accepting these hard times without question, they discovered new continents that
provide
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provided
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 new income
opportunities
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 because these continents had abundant resources and fertile soil.
Therefore
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, there is a strong relationship between overcoming a hard
situation
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 and trying new methods to improve, resulting in a better quality of life because it can bring new
opportunities
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 to the table.
On the other hand
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, accepting difficult cases as they are plays an important role in maintaining good mental health.
This
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 is because understanding the problems contributes to raising awareness of the
situation
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, which frames the problem's limits.
As a result
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, framing leads to a better understanding that provides patience throughout the process. To illustrate,
people
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 who believe in destiny develop a strong ability to go through the situations they face because they accept the
situation
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 as they have to digest it, which in turn boosts their patience and makes them more resilient.
Thus
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,
this
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 accaptance keep their minds healthy. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 believe that accepting a difficult
situation
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 as it is maintains good mental health
at the end
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 of the day, I hold the view that
people
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 have to try different approaches to bring new
opportunities
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 to their lives because new solutions can provide better options,
such
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 as a high income.

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Task response
Estimated score: 6. Your answer covers all parts of the task, but some ideas need more clear and real support.
Task response
The example about the Age of Discovery is too wide and not fully clear. Use a simple, direct example, such as a worker who learns a new skill, finds a better job, and earns more money.
Task response
Explain the first view more fairly. Accepting a hard job or low pay may help a person keep a steady life while they care for family, save money, or wait for a better time.
Task response
Your view is clear, but make it more balanced: people should first accept what they cannot change, then take small steps to change what they can.
Task response
Some points repeat the same idea about new chances and more money. Add one more clear reason, such as more skills, more confidence, or a better work life.
Coherence and cohesion
Your order is clear, but some sentences are too long. Break them into two or three short sentences so the main point is easier to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Make each body part follow one simple plan: main idea, reason, example, and short result. This will make your writing more easy to read.
Coherence and cohesion
Some links are not natural. For example, “which triggers to stong desire to change” is hard to follow. Write: “This can give them a strong wish to change their lives.”
Coherence and cohesion
Use fewer repeated words, such as “situation”, “hard”, and “improve”. You can use “problem”, “case”, “change”, “make life better”, and “move forward”.
Coherence and cohesion
The last line of the second body part, “Thus, this accaptance keep their minds healthy,” is too short and has errors. Write: “Therefore, acceptance can help people stay calm and protect their mental health.”
Task response
You discuss both views and give a clear opinion. Your main idea is that people should try to make hard situations better.
Task response
You give reasons for both sides: better jobs and more money on one side, and better mental health on the other.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
You use clear linking words, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • accept
  • difficult
  • situation
  • job
  • money
  • option
  • view
  • discuss
  • own
  • opinion
  • better
  • improve
  • change
  • plan
  • goal
  • effort
  • risk
  • skill
  • learn
  • life
  • work
  • future
  • save
  • decide
  • problem
  • help
  • step
  • stay
  • move
  • balance
  • decision
  • support
  • hope
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