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Band 5

It is a natural process that animal species such as dinosaurs become extinct. There is no reason for people to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?

#process #species #dinosaurs #reason #people
When it comes to
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
show examples
 of
animals
, people believe that the process is influenced by nature and no one can avert
this
 situation. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with
this
 viewpoint, and some of my justifications will be presented in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, individuals can change their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 toward nature in order to reduce the disappearance of wild
animals
. In fact, some
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 activities,
such
 as littering, deforestation, or expanding industrial sites, are some typical actions that damage not only the
habitations
Fix the agreement mistake
habitation
show examples
 but
also
 the sources of food, making it harder for
animals
 to survive. If every person is well aware of these serious problems, they can prioritize protecting the environment, leading to more creatures being protected.
For instance
, because of the lack of wild pandas in China, citizens decide to raise the attention of the community to preserve their national
animals
.
Secondly
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 plays a crucial role in whether or not
animals
 become extinct. The government can enact laws about animal preservation, like prohibiting
wild life
Correct your spelling
wildlife
show examples
 hunting, or create campaigns to raise people’s awareness.
This
 results in more and more
animals
can be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 safer, as they are under the protection of the government.
In other words
, authority organisations are an important aspect of tackling animal extinction. In conclusion,
although
 numerous people suppose that humans cannot save
animals
 from extermination, I strongly believe that communities are fully able to prevent these problems.
Submitted by khoianh2404 on

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task response
Your arguments are clear and relevant to the topic. However, including more specific examples can make your argument stronger. For instance, you could mention specific conservation programs or laws that have successfully prevented species from going extinct.
task response
Work on ensuring that each paragraph directly supports your main points with clear and specific examples. This additional detail will help to illustrate your arguments better.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While your essay is generally well-organized, a few transitional phrases would make the flow of ideas even smoother.
introduction conclusion present
You have presented a clear introduction that outlines your stance, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments, making your essay feel cohesive.
logical structure
Your essay maintains a logical structure throughout, with each paragraph focusing on a clear main point relevant to the task.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have effectively identified the roles of both individuals and governments in preventing animal extinction, which makes your arguments comprehensive and balanced.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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