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some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society . others ,however,belive that school is the place tp learn this.

#people #parents #children #members #society #belive #school #place #tp
There is a discussion between
people
 about who is responsible for teaching
children
 to be good
people
. some parents believe it is their responsibility to do that
while
 others think it is one of teachers duties. In my sight of view,
this
 issue demands both sides
affords
Correct subject-verb agreement
afford
show examples
. There are
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of opinions about
children
's social education the first one stands out about families. It expresses that families
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 mothers and fathers must work on their
kid's
Change noun form
kids'
show examples
 social abilities because they know their cultures and traditional costumes and know how to adapt their
children
 to it because family is the first place that affects
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the personality of a person.
On the other hand
, some
people
 believe that the teachers of schools are well educated about
this
 subject and they are familiar with society's problems and solutions so they are the best
people
 for
children
 to learn how to act to be a good and positive person. in conclusion,
I
Correct pronoun usage
my
show examples
 thoughts stand for mutual cooperation between schools and families because parents are aware of their
children
's background and the family's atmosphere and schools have the science of the right nurturing .
Submitted by parisapourshoja on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a basic response to the task, but it can benefit from deeper analysis and more specific examples to support your points. Try to include more clear and detailed explanations to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Aim to organize your essay in a more structured manner. Use clear topic sentences to introduce each paragraph's main idea, and ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single point.
coherence cohesion
Improve your cohesion by using a wider variety of linking words and phrases. This will make your writing flow more smoothly and make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument.
task achievement
The main idea of your essay is understandable, and you have attempted to address both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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