There are more new towns nowadays, it is more important to include public parks and sports for individuals to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent decades, new towns emerged
with
Change preposition
at
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a startling pace and
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
brought inhabitants great living conditions. To better improve public
health
and build up harmonious communities, many
people
advocate for increasing public
parks
and
sports
facilities. I strongly agree with
this
idea, and I believe it is beneficial to individuals and the
scociety
Correct your spelling
society
as well.
To begin
with,
parks
and
sports
fields provide local citizens with more opportunities to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise
thus
benefiting
people
's physical fitness
as well as
mental
health
. It is universally acknowledged that
sports
are good for our
body
Change noun form
body's
show examples
health
,
however
,
people
nowadays rarely get time for regular exercise from their busy daily routine,
for example
, nine-to-five workers and full-time students, some
people
even cannot afford to go to the gym every day.
Therefore
, public infrastructure gives residents free access to maintain a healthy lifestyle with regular exercise.
Moreover
, relaxing in the
parks
can relieve
people
's stress from work and studies,
thus
enhancing their mental
health
.
In addition
, public
parks
and
sports
fields are the perfect places for families to have
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
leisure activities and for communities to hold some special events,
thus
strengthening family bonds and enhancing
neighborly
Change the spelling
neighbourly
show examples
relationships.
For instance
, it may become a beautiful city landscape if some families are having a picnic in the park, couples are holding hands and walking on the pathways, some young men are jogging, and some children are playing a football match. These public facilities are
definetely
Correct your spelling
definitely
important for individuals and the community.
To conclude
, public
parks
and
sports
play a vital role in modern life, especially in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
emerging towns and cities. Though some
people
would argue that money should be spent on other infrastructures
such
as public
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
, I still believe reasonable governmental investment in
such
public facilities will bring advantageous effects to all citizens and the
scociety
Correct your spelling
society
as a whole.
Submitted by carriexue23 on

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task achievement
You have effectively presented your views, but ensure all ideas are expounded upon with equal depth. Perhaps elaborate more on the examples provided.
coherence and cohesion
A few spelling errors and awkward phrases were noticed. Ensure to proofread your essay to correct such minor mistakes.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured and provide a good framework for the essay.
task achievement
You have clearly stated your stance and supported it logically with relevant examples and arguments.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • communal space
  • recreational activities
  • community bonding
  • social interactions
  • physical exercise
  • physical and mental health
  • aesthetic appeal
  • potential residents
  • community events
  • sense of identity
  • sense of belonging
  • environmental sustainability
  • reduce carbon footprints
  • habitats for wildlife
  • serene environment
  • improve the quality of life
  • relax and unwind
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