Some people think that people commit crime because of poverty and social problems, while others think it is because of their bad nature. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
The issue of
crime
resonates deeply with many individuals
. While
some attribute criminal behavior to inherent flaws in individuals
, others including myself believe that it primarily stems from poverty and social challenges.
Financial hardship is a key factor driving crime
rates. When individuals
find themselves in difficult economic situations, they may resort to illegal activities to support their families. For example
, a person without stable employment might steal to provide food or shelter. Furthermore
, a lack of job opportunities can intensify this
issue. In regions where jobs are scarce, desperate individuals
may feel they have no choice but to engage in criminal activities to survive. This
absence of legitimate pathways often traps them in a cycle of poverty and crime
.
In addition
to economic challenges, l believes
that insufficient access to education plays a significant role in perpetuating Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
crime
within disadvantaged communities. Many individuals
face marginalization due to
their circumstances, which limits their educational prospects. Without access to quality education and resources, their potential for a better future is hindered, often leading them to replicate the patterns set by previous generations. This
educational gap can also
foster feelings of isolation, leaving individuals
disconnected and despondent. Such
disconnection not only stifles personal growth but also
erodes community cohesion, making it harder to tackle shared challenges.
While
some argue that criminal behavior
arises from an inherently bad character, I completely reject it. Change the spelling
behaviour
Although
a person's environment and upbringing influence their choices, they are not the sole determining factors. For instance
, a young boy from a low-income area may strive to overcome his circumstances, while
someone from a wealthy background might still choose to engage in criminal activities. This
demonstrates that personal agency and determination are crucial in shaping an individual’s journey.
In conclusion, crime
is a multifaceted issue that requires a nuanced approach. By improving access to education and creating job opportunities, we can disrupt the cycle of crime
and poverty, fostering a healthier and more equitable society for all.Submitted by homa.nazrmian56 on
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Task Response
Ensure that the points are balanced and both views are given equal attention. While the essay mainly focuses on poverty and social challenges, offering more detailed examples and analysis of the 'bad nature' view could strengthen the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Although the essay is well-structured, consider using a few more transitional phrases to enhance flow and clarity between paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
In the introduction, providing a clearer thesis statement that summarizes both perspectives succinctly can make the essay’s structure even stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay features a clear and logical structure, making it easy to follow the arguments presented.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively mirror each other, giving the essay a complete and well-rounded feel.
Task Achievement
Main points are well-supported with specific examples, making the arguments convincing.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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