art classes, such as painting and drawing , are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. to what extent do you agree or disagree
the majority of people said that it is compulsory for offspring to have many lessons in the profession, eg: drawing and painting, but the other said that it should not be important in the high academy. I agree with
this
statement and my reason is in the following essay.
First of all, the juniors have more talent in more fields , they can draw , sing , and dance,..but many scholars are good at science and nature subjects
and they do not care about craft. I think high schools should have more options for subjects
for offspring to choose their favourite. studying profession can make the infants express themself and the citizens can look up to their scores . for example
, in the craft of academics, they always teach profession out of chemistry or math so when they in high school it is not necessary for them to class hard in science natural subjects
so they should be take care of their talents.
By contrast
, those studying craft spend more money investing in their types of equipment. those are exhibitions and many families can not pay for those bills. they must only choose for their offspring to study better at math and science subjects
. they just think studying art is a waste of time and does not make it better for the offspring's future, so they also
take them to subjects
in the hall, which is not concentrated on art. For instance
, Ho Chi Minh City has a private school not plus art education and always takes infants in math, chemistry and physics so many households in this
school wish their child could become a business , teacher or doctor.
In conclusion, I think studying in where not important , if children study hard , they also
will be successful in the future. I believe that they can freedom to choose their hobbies and they fit in with their talent , not depend on their parent's wishes. therefore
, I think adults should create conditions for young people to achieve their dreams.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay provides an overall response to the task, but the argument is not fully developed and lacks clarity in places. Make sure to clearly state your position and ensure all points support that position.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and conclusion, which is good, but the logical progression between paragraphs needs improvement. Consider using more linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points. Also, check for grammatical issues and consider enhancing your vocabulary for better clarity and precision.
coherence cohesion
Consider organizing the essay in clearer paragraphs, each focusing on a single idea or argument. This will enhance the logical structure and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
introduction conclusion present
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps frame your arguments.
complete response
The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, which shows an effort to provide a balanced view.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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