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Band 6

A longer prison term as a way of punishing those who break the law is not as good as other method. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#prison #term #law #method
Some people believe that being in jail for a long time is not as good as other ways of
punishment
 for criminals. I fully agree with the notion that other
methods
 are better than just imprisoning those who break the
law
.
To begin
 with, being in a prison depends on the
law
 that the prisoner breaks.
For instance
, If you break a
law
that is
 not very vital for
society
 and it doesn't hurt anyone, being in prison for a long term is not a good
punishment
.
Additionally
, even for some extreme crimes, the principles can manage other
methods
 of
punishment
besides
 their imprisonment.
On the other hand
, one of the most common
methods
 for those who break the
law
 is community
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. A good illustration of
this
 can be cleaning the environment for those who break the
law
 related to polluting nature by throwing out garbage.
This
 can teach lawbreakers a good lesson of that.
However
, there are a lot of
methods
 for each crime and they can be in different levels. If you break a
law
 which affects other people’s lives and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can damage public facilities, the level of
punishment
 should be higher. Everybody in
society
 is responsible for their actions and you should know breaking the
law
 has consequences.
To conclude
 , the government can make
society
 a better place for all the people who live in the same environment by managing various
methods
 like community work to provide a better place to live. As a matter of fact, imprisonment is an old method and we need to spread more legality in
society
 nowadays. The more legality we have in
society
, the more respect can people have
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 each other and
laws
Correct article usage
the laws
show examples
 prescribed by the principles.
Submitted by yasaminashouri on

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay would benefit from clearer transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will help improve the overall flow and make your arguments easier to follow.
task achievement
Including more specific examples and detailed explanations for some of your points could provide stronger support for your arguments.
task achievement
You could enhance your task achievement by addressing potential counter-arguments and refuting them effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which contributes positively to the overall structure.
task achievement
You provided a good overview of alternative methods to imprisonment, such as community service, and highlighted their benefits.
task achievement
The ideas presented are relevant to the essay topic and your stance is clear throughout.

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