IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

A longer prison term as a way of punishing those who break the law is not as good as other method. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#prison #term #law #method
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Some people believe that being in jail for a long time is not as good as other ways of
punishment
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 for criminals. I fully agree with the notion that other
methods
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 are better than just imprisoning those who break the
law
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.
To begin
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 with, being in a prison depends on the
law
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 that the prisoner breaks.
For instance
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, If you break a
law
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that is
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 not very vital for
society
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 and it doesn't hurt anyone, being in prison for a long term is not a good
punishment
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.
Additionally
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, even for some extreme crimes, the principles can manage other
methods
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 of
punishment
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besides
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 their imprisonment.
On the other hand
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, one of the most common
methods
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 for those who break the
law
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 is community
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. A good illustration of
this
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 can be cleaning the environment for those who break the
law
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 related to polluting nature by throwing out garbage.
This
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 can teach lawbreakers a good lesson of that.
However
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, there are a lot of
methods
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 for each crime and they can be in different levels. If you break a
law
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 which affects other people’s lives and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can damage public facilities, the level of
punishment
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 should be higher. Everybody in
society
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 is responsible for their actions and you should know breaking the
law
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 has consequences.
To conclude
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 , the government can make
society
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 a better place for all the people who live in the same environment by managing various
methods
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 like community work to provide a better place to live. As a matter of fact, imprisonment is an old method and we need to spread more legality in
society
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 nowadays. The more legality we have in
society
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, the more respect can people have
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 each other and
laws
Correct article usage
the laws
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 prescribed by the principles.
Submitted by yasaminashouri on

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay would benefit from clearer transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will help improve the overall flow and make your arguments easier to follow.
task achievement
Including more specific examples and detailed explanations for some of your points could provide stronger support for your arguments.
task achievement
You could enhance your task achievement by addressing potential counter-arguments and refuting them effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which contributes positively to the overall structure.
task achievement
You provided a good overview of alternative methods to imprisonment, such as community service, and highlighted their benefits.
task achievement
The ideas presented are relevant to the essay topic and your stance is clear throughout.
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