IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

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Hunger
Use synonyms
 among
people
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 has not stopped in the world even if there were many achievements in the agriculture industry.
This
Linking Words
 essay will first discuss how poverty in some countries and
food
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 waste are the primary causes of
this
Linking Words
 growing problem and
then
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 outline how governments help their citizens and innovative technologies are the most viable solutions. One cause of
hunger
Use synonyms
 in some countries is poverty. Some nations suffer from the bad level of countries’ economy and it leads to the poverty of the citizens.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can not afford to buy groceries and
food
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, because of low salaries and no possibilities.
In addition
Linking Words
, wasting
food
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 is one of the main causes of existing
hunger
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 in the world.
In other words
Linking Words
, many
restaurants
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 trash the
food
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, which can not be eaten or customers usually leave the
food
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 on their plates.
For instance
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, in Almaty, there are a lot of
restaurants
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, which trash expired
food
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.
This
Linking Words
 number of
food
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 is rising every year and can even be counted to billions. The best solution to
this
Linking Words
 problem is government help to their citizens. If countries, where there is
hunger
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, helped their
people
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 financially until the economy of the country gets well, they would be able to afford to purchase goods and needs.
Moreover
Linking Words
, innovative technologies can help
people
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 to buy some
food
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 with discounts and it will be useful
as well as
Linking Words
 for
restaurants
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.
That is
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 to say, if
restaurants
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 use apps, that show the list of places, where customers can purchase
food
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 with the close date of expiry using some discounts, they will not trash all the
food
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,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they have.
For example
Linking Words
, in Almaty, many
people
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 use an app, which shows the list of
restaurants
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, bakeries and other places with expiring products. In conclusion, many
people
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 feel hungry in the world even if a lot of advancements have been made in agriculture.
However
Linking Words
, if some governments help nations with their
food
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 needs and innovative technologies are implemented, the problem can be alleviated.

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task achievement
Ensure a thorough understanding of the task. While you have addressed the main points, delving a bit deeper into the reasons behind poverty and food wastage would enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
Linking words and phrases are present, but at times they can be more varied. Try using a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Strengthen the main points by adding more detailed examples or evidence. This will help make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is mostly clear, but the essay could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas. Make sure each paragraph logically leads to the next.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples which add to the persuasiveness of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The main points are introduced and generally well-supported.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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