some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work on the country where they did their training. others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is agreed by many that experts
such
as doctors and engineers have to serve their
country
where they spent their study. Other people argue that they should have the freedom to get a job abroad. In my opinion, I believe that a person has their own consideration to have a better living
according to
the opportunity they have either to stay in their home
country
or to go abroad to find better income. People who choose to stay in their homeland have beneficial advantages in cultural and linguistic. They have no barriers in that area. In Indonesia,
for example
, even though there are enormous ethnic which may lead to a different culture, but still at least have the same language that unites them.
Nevertheless
, individuals lose their chance to get good compensation since they have to compete with their colleagues and
due to
a lack of fields that fit with their capacities.
While
others believe that, in order to get a better living, a person needs to find a job outside the
country
. Unless there will be challenges
come up
Verb problem
apply
show examples
, living in another
country
may raise the chance to improve their experience,
well
Add a missing verb
be well
show examples
paid, and increase wealth.
Furthermore
, valued skills could be brought to be applied in their homeland whenever they come back. In conclusion, despite the fact that staying in their own
country
is a comfort zone, it is worth trying to move on to get various advantages that someone will get to have a job outside.
Submitted by nourmarasyidah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay successfully discusses both views and provides a clear opinion. However, try to strengthen the reasons for staying in one's home country by providing more specific examples or statistics.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and clarity. Some sentences are slightly awkward, which can affect the overall readability of the essay. For example: 'Unless there will be challenges come up, living in another country may raise the chance to improve their experience, well paid, and increase wealth.'
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a more detailed conclusion. Rather than just summarizing the points, try to give a strong final statement that reinforces your opinion.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced discussion and acknowledged both perspectives on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and sets up the essay well.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with logical progression from point to point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: