There should only be one government in the world rather than a national government for each country. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
One
government
is better than multi-governments to rule the world
. Although
by putting one
government
in charge, conflicts between nations will decrease, by dedicating one
leader to each country, managers can concentrate more on their people. Therefore
, the drawbacks outweigh the benefits.
On the one
hand, Ruling the world
by just one
government
lowers the fights between countries
, because if one
management was in charge of running all nations, the rules that all of them should obey would be the same. Thus
, tensions would drop and all countries
would try to make a better world
instead
of putting their minds on rivalry. For example
, in the past when some nations that are now separated were ruled by one
government
, difficulties and problems were less.
On the other hand
, if each country has a separate national government
, unique problems for each nation can be more focused on. That is
to say that, people in charge of managing that specific nation can dedicate all their attention to the well-being of their country instead
of worrying about other countries
' situations. For instance
, countries
like Germany and Spain have improved a lot in recent years due to
having just one
leader that
has dedicated all his attention to Correct pronoun usage
who
make
situations better.
In conclusion, Change the verb form
making
while
the countries
ruled by one
government
would fight less over some particular problems and they all would be seen as a team, in a multi-government
world
, each nation would be in
the centre of the attention of its leader. In Change preposition
at
this
way disadvantages outweigh advantages.Submitted by fati.p98n on
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task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance. However, try to make your thesis statement more precise. Instead of simply stating that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits, briefly mention the specific reasons why.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is generally clear, but there are a few areas where the flow could be improved. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. You might use transitional phrases like 'Moreover' or 'Additionally' to enhance coherence.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, they could be more specific and detailed to better support your main points. Try to include concrete evidence or data where possible.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which is great. Ensure that your conclusion succinctly encapsulates the key points discussed in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supportive of your thesis, but try to elaborate a bit more. For example, expand on how having individual leaders has specifically benefited Germany and Spain in various sectors.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced perspective. This is an important aspect of a high-scoring essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are presented well. Especially, the conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your argument. This is essential for task achievement.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?