IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Details of politicians’ private lives should not be published in newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some people argue that the detailed personal
lives
Use synonyms
 of
politicians
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 should not be published in the
newspapers
Use synonyms
. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint because
politicians
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 are human beings, and they have the right to protect their privacy.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if the personal
lives
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 of
politicians
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 receive
much highlight
Change the quantifier
many highlights
show examples
, their actual
responsibilities
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 do not get proper attention.
Politicians
Use synonyms
 are human beings, and they have the right to protect their privacy. The general public admires them and sometimes follows them as role models.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they express genuine interest about what is happening in their favourite politician's personal
lives
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. If
newspapers
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 publish sensational detailed news about the personal
lives
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 of
politicians
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 to increase the sales of their
newspapers
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,
this
Linking Words
 disturbs the personal
lives
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 of
politicians
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.
For example
Linking Words
, in Bangladesh, when the railway minister got married at the age of 63, the general public expressed huge unnecessary interest in his personal life, and
newspapers
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 highlighted
this
Linking Words
 news much, which affected his personal life. He stated that
,
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apply
show examples
 it disturbed his mental peace.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when the personal
lives
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 of
politicians
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 receive unnecessary attention in the
newspapers
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, their actual work and
responsibilities
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 are neglected by the newspaper.
Politicians
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 have a lot to do for the development of the nation and society, and their performance requires constant
criticisms
Fix the agreement mistake
criticism
show examples
and
discussions
Fix the agreement mistake
discussion
show examples
 by the public and the media. If their private
lives
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 receive
much highlight
Change the quantifier
many highlights
show examples
 in the media, their actual
responsibilities
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 get neglected, which restricts the development of the country.
For example
Linking Words
, in Portugal, in 2020, when the son of the home minister
involved
Add a missing verb
was involved
show examples
 in drinking and driving, the media highlighted the news most
instead
Linking Words
 of his actual performance
As a result
Linking Words
, the home minister neglected his duties. In conclusion, I completely oppose the view that the personal
lives
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 of
politicians
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 should be disclosed in
newspapers
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. It hinders their privacy and their actual work and
responsibilities
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 do not get much attention in the
newspapers
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clearer transitions between paragraphs to improve flow.
task achievement
Provide a more nuanced discussion addressing potential counterarguments for a balanced viewpoint.
introduction conclusion structure
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively stating the opinion on the topic.
supported main points
The main points are well-supported with specific examples, enhancing the argument.
task response complete
The overall response is relevant and adequately addresses the task.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • intrusion
  • accountability
  • transparency
  • sensationalism
  • privacy
  • public interest
  • collateral damage
  • precedent
  • responsible journalism
  • exploitation
  • democratic processes
  • media culture
  • balance
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