IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or diagree with this statment

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The development of
technology
Use synonyms
 has so much impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 especially when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computers
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 discovered. I strongly agree that
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
electronic devices help
people
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 to do some activities in their personal
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will describe how
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computers
Use synonyms
 develop and why it is so important. Since a hundred years ago, many
innovation
Fix the agreement mistake
innovations
show examples
 and
creation
Fix the agreement mistake
creations
show examples
 have
seen
Add a missing verb
been seen
show examples
 in some areas of
knowledge
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such
Linking Words
 as transportation, medicine,
technology
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, and others.
However
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, there is one invention that can
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
 in every
fields
Change to a singular noun
field
show examples
 of
knowledge
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 which is the
Use synonyms
computers
Fix the agreement mistake
computer
show examples
.
This
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 item is suitable for engineers,
scientist
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scientists
show examples
,
researchers
Correct word choice
and researchers
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 and
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 them to do jobs.
Additionally
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, by using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computers
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,
people
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 can access
to
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apply
show examples
amounts
information
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of information
show examples
 and
knowledge
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 easily through the internet.
Therefore
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, human life today depends on
computers
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.
For instance
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, the computer can calculate and build infrastructures and
also
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 make online articles.
On the other hand
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, there
were
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a plenty of
revolution
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revolutions
show examples
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the function of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computers
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 in the
last
Linking Words
 decade.
For example
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,
people
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 use
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 to make new
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of drugs, make 3D
building
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buildings
show examples
 and design new
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
Use synonyms
technology
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of technology
show examples
 (
hologram
Fix the agreement mistake
holograms
show examples
,
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
, robots).
Besides
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,
people
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 can have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
meeting
Fix the agreement mistake
meetings
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online,
talk
Correct word choice
and talk
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 to friends and family only
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
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computers
Fix the agreement mistake
computer
show examples
.
To conclude
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, I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
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 will always update rapidly and
people
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 can not control it.
Then
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, the
technology
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 in the computer will always
redesign
Wrong verb form
be redesigned
show examples
,
improve
Wrong verb form
improved
show examples
 and
make
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
more properly to build many inventions in all sectors of
knowledge
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. So
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
people
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 should
be always improve
Change the verb form
always improve
show examples
 their
knowledge
Use synonyms
 to be able to follow these developments.

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task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good effort in addressing the topic, but there are several areas for improvement. First, work on providing more specific and detailed examples to support your arguments. This will help make your essay more convincing and comprehensive.
task achievement
Additionally, some of your ideas could benefit from clearer and more precise explanations. For instance, when mentioning how computers are used in different fields, elaborate on at least one specific example in greater detail.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more clearly by using paragraphs effectively. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and its support. This will ensure better logical structure and improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a stronger conclusion by summarizing the key points made in your essay. Restate your main arguments in a succinct manner to reinforce your response.
task achievement
Your essay effectively highlights the significant impact of computers across various fields, which aligns well with the topic.
coherence cohesion
You also provide a clear opinion in the introduction and maintain it throughout the essay, which contributes positively to the coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • revolutionized
  • interconnected
  • innovation
  • democratization
  • accessibility
  • simulations
  • data analysis
  • artificial intelligence
  • digital collaboration
  • remote work
  • productivity
  • virtual classrooms
  • educational software
  • streaming services
  • leisure
  • scientific research
What to do next:
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