In many parts of the world, people are choosin gto have fewer children. Why do you think this is happening? What impacts may it have on society?
In many regions of our globe,
people
are choosing not to expand their branches and have children. This
has very positive and negative effects on society, and in this
essay, I will shed light on this
hypothesis.
Firstly
, it is very important to note that nowadays, people
are choosing not to have children to focus on their careers. This
is the case with the popular country, South Korea. Women
are refusing to settle down and have offspring because, in their opinion, infants ruin their chances of getting a proper job, therefore
they put a career first of having a family. Thus
, the population is sequentially decreasing, and the number of older people
is increasing, making the government worried. To solve this
problem, the South Korean government decided to pay its female citizens money (in WON) if they decide
to have children.
It is important not to fail to mention that it is a great factor in Wrong verb form
decided
women
's development that they are focusing on their careers rather than having a family, breaking many years of long and orthodox stereotypes. The fact that a woman can decide her own future instead
of listening to her “stuck in the past” elders prove
how much we have evolved as a society. Correct subject-verb agreement
proves
However
, whenever there is good, there will be bad. Although
women
are finally
speaking out on this
problem, men are getting more aggressive towards their wives, who also
wish to pursue a career of their own. Gun violence and abusive situations are becoming more and more frequent for women
who want to have a job.
In conclusion, it is safe to say that, although
ugh women
focusing on their careers is one of the best aspects of a developing society, it is also
very saddening that they receive backlash from their family and friends for indirectly reducing the world’s population. Sometimes, because some people
refuse to accept the fact that a woman will also
have a career on their own, they take the matter into violence and abusive behaviors
.Change the spelling
behaviours
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task achievement
Your essay provides relevant examples, such as the situation in South Korea, to support your arguments. However, ensure your points are balanced by addressing positively about other regions as well.
task achievement
Maintain clarity by avoiding colloquial expressions such as 'ugh' and keeping your language formal and precise throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow by organizing arguments into clear, distinct paragraphs. For instance, each paragraph should ideally address a single aspect of the issue.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion, but the introduction could be more engaging to set a compelling tone for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Adding transitional words and phrases would enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs, making it easier for the reader to follow your argumentation.
task achievement
You’ve provided a specific example (South Korea) effectively to support your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion neatly wraps up your essay's main points, providing a coherent end to your discussion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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