IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters(such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some people feel that allowing
children
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 to make their
decisions
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 on everyday concerns
such
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 as food, clothing, and entertainment will culminate in a society where people solely consider their desires. Others think that
children
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 should make
decisions
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 regarding issues that impact them. I strongly agree with the latter opinion.
To begin
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 with, some people argue that consistently allowing
children
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 to make their own
choices
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 without considering others' needs can foster a
self-centered
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self-centred
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 attitude. If
children
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 are not encouraged to think about how their
choices
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 affect others, they may develop less empathy.
As a result
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, adults are less sensitive to the needs and feelings of those around them.
In addition
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, given the fact that, since
children
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 make their own
choices
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 about food and entertainment. they may opt for unhealthy options leading to poor nutrition and related health issues.
Thus
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, guidance from adults is often necessary to
instill
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instil
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 healthy eating habits.
On the other hand
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, there are compelling arguments that allowing
children
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 to make
decisions
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 about matters that affect them is crucial for their development and well-being. First and foremost, since making
decisions
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 helps
children
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 develop critical thinking skills, they learn to consider consequences and make informed
choices
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. Engaging in the decision-making processes enhances problem-solving abilities.
Therefore
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, they learn to navigate challenges and find solutions.
Furthermore
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, decision-making encourages independence, helps
children
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 become self-reliant, and boosts
children
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's confidence and capability to manage their own lives.
As a result
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, it promotes a positive self-image and resilience. In conclusion, in my view, allowing
children
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 to make
decisions
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 about matters that affect them is essential for their development into well-rounded, capable, and confident individuals.

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task achievement
While the essay introduces relevant arguments for both views and provides a clear opinion, it could benefit from broader and more varied examples to better support the points made. Consider incorporating specific scenarios or research findings to add depth and specificity.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are generally well-organized and your essay has a clear logical structure. Ensure that each supporting point is thoroughly developed and connected back to your main argument. Adding transitional phrases could further strengthen the flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good structure. This helps in understanding the main argument easily.
task achievement
The main points are generally well-supported with relevant reasons and explanations, which enhances the persuasive power of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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