IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many working people do not have enough free time off work to spend with their families and friends. Why? What are the effects on family life and society as a whole?

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Most
people
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 who decide to
work
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 in several sectors that have special conditions will have limited
time
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 to meet their
families
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 and buddies. The reason is
employees
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 should be professionals to conduct the job role. The effect on the close
families
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 and
relatives
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 involved feel sad because they rarely meet.
To begin
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, there are several types of professions,
for instance
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, office
workers
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 who
work
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 from Monday to Friday from 8.00 am to 4.00 pm and
employees
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 who
work
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 in remote areas. But, whatever type of
work
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, personnel are bound by the contract to be a professional community.
As a result
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,
employees
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 sacrifice their
time
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 for close
families
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 (
such
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 as spouses and children) and buddies. So the family members and society will rarely come
together with
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 the workmen.
For example
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,
people
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 who
work
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 as engineers in oil & gas mines offshore or sailors who cross the oceans which have reshuffled
work
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time
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 every 3 weeks and holiday 1 week will rarely meet their
relatives
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. But in the technological era,
people
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 keep in touch by using smartphones to share information.
Moreover
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,
employees
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 should obey the policy about job description and reach targets on key performance indicators from the company. So, if the task is not already finished, the
workers
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 will take overtime or submit
work
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 from anywhere which impacts physical and mental health.
Then
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, if
workers
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 feel exhausted, probably they get miss communication and misunderstand their
relatives
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therefore
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, each family member and society fight over several problems.
For instance
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,
people
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 who
work
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 as consultants in big companies almost meet with their clients every
time
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. So, they are easier to get stressed. In conclusion, the reason the
employees
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 do not have adequate
time
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 for their
families
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 and society is that
workers
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 are charged to comply with the company’s regulations and professionalism.
Therefore
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, it has effects
such
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 as seldom meeting physically with their
relatives
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 and feeling stressed because it does not achieve
work
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-life balance.

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development
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language
Revise some sentences for grammatical accuracy and clarity. This will strengthen your task response.
content
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structure
An introduction and conclusion are present, providing a clear structure to the essay.
development
Effort is made to use examples to support points, which is a good approach.
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