Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Young people,
children
in particular
, have become more and more obsessed with their mobile phones
. The trend, which is an inevitable outcome of multifaceted factors, can be harmful to both individuals and society
.
There are multiple contributors to the rising proportion of time
spent on electronic devices by teenagers. Firstly
, the affordability and accessibility of a smartphone add up to the convenience of visiting the internet. The increasing demands of connecting friends and forming new relationships also
make phones
more indispensable to youngsters. Secondly
, suffering from growing pressure and stress from home and school, many kids appear to use their phones
as an asylum to temporarily escape the real world. Finally
, parents now cannot supervise and overlook how children
use smart devices since adults need to allocate more time
to work. Consequently
, with lax regulations and more luring contents
, the soaring screen Fix the agreement mistake
content
time
among the younger generation seems unavoidable.
The shift may have already caused huge damage and will be more disastrous if it continues to grow. According to
many studies, using screens for long periods is associated with higher rates of depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders in school age
individuals. Add a hyphen
school-age
In other words
, the supposedly beneficial technology has created an anxious and depressed generation, which can be viewed as a catastrophe for parents, schools, and society
. Parents must spend their hard-earned money on therapy sessions to cure their mentally ill sons or daughters; schools find it more difficult to educate since phones
can easily transform a young mind’s opinions; and society
faces the conundrum of choosing between the profits generated by phone use and the glum future of an entire generation glued to screens. Therefore
, if not addressed properly, the issue could fatally injure the sustainability of society
.
To summarise, many young people spend more time
on digital technology for three major reasons: social demands, external pressure, and insufficient supervision. The phenomenon should be considered a threat to the hope of society
as it can severely harm the mental stability of children
.Some children
spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this
the case? Do you think this
is a positive or a negative development?Submitted by yanjinru0827 on
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task achievement
Provide more specific examples, statistics, or real-life instances to better support your arguments. For example, you could mention particular studies or cite experts on the impact of smartphone use on mental health.
task achievement
Be cautious with generalizations. When you mention social demands or external pressure, try to briefly elaborate on specific contexts or situations to add depth to your points.
coherence cohesion
Transitions between paragraphs are good, but you can enhance cohesion even further by using more varied linking phrases and ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively outlines the issue and sets the stage for the rest of the essay.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear structure with distinct introduction and conclusion paragraphs, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
The points are logically organized, and each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, helping to create a cohesive argument.
task achievement
You comprehensively covered the major reasons for increased smartphone usage among children and discussed the potential negative impacts on both individuals and society.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example