IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You have a problem with a recently hired employee in your workplace. Write a letter to the HR manager. In your letter: Describe the problem the problem the new employee has caused. Explain how other employees bout the new employee's conduct. Say how you expect the HR manager to adress the situation.

#employee #workplace #hr #manager #employees #bout #conduct #adress #situation
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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing you
this
 letter to combat injustice and close the issue
on
Change preposition
of
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 the antics of one employee Michael, who recently joined us. I would like to discuss the fact that he does not completely fill out the forms on paper or does not write them at all;
in addition
, he is rude to all employees and colleagues in the office; Apart from basic knowledge, he does not have any suitable skills at the level of our office. Frankly,
this
 employee has no aesthetic manners. All his colleagues accuse him of shortcomings in his work and
forced
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are forced
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 to do everything for him;
Moreover
, during the work process he is constantly distracted, annoying other workers. I hope that you will take some action against
this
 worker, as he will only exacerbate the emergence of shortcomings and drag the entire company down. Thank you for taking the time to read my letter. Yours faithfully, Arthur
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Task Achievement
For Task Achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the task effectively. While you mentioned the problem, suggested a resolution, and identified the impact on others, ensuring that your suggestions are clear and specific would enhance your response. Consider saying exactly what actions you expect from the HR manager rather than a general hope for action.
Coherence and Cohesion
In terms of Coherence and Cohesion, strive to link your ideas more smoothly between paragraphs. Using transition phrases or signal words can help guide the reader through your points with clearer direction. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a single focus for improved readability.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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