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Writing Samples
Band 7

Do the advantages of supermarket outweight the disadvantages?

#supermarket #outweight
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In recent years,
supermarkets
 have been more prevalent so more consumers go shopping there
instead
 of visiting traditional shops.
This
 essay will discuss their benefits and drawbacks. From my perspective, the pros are greater than the cons for some reasons. On the one hand,
supermarkets
 have their own advantages.
Firstly
, they offer a wide choice of products so customers can buy different things from fresh produce to household goods including electrical and electronic items.
Secondly
, they have long operating hours. Actually, they often operate from 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. so housewives can buy their wanted items whenever they have spare time.
Thirdly
,
supermarkets
 often import a large scale of products so they always provide their customers with competitive prices compared with small stores.
Lastly
, buyers often get many special offers
such
 as promotions, discounts and presents from loyalty programs.
On the other hand
, there are some disadvantages that no supermarket can avoid. First and foremost, most staff are unfriendly because they have to deal with many tasks given in a short amount of time. Another limitation is that during peak hours, they are always crowded.
As a result
, customers have to be in long queues at the checkout counters which is time-consuming.
In addition
, foods sold at
supermarkets
 are often processed and sugary or salty which are detrimental to people's health in general.
To sum up
,
although
 there are some unavoidable disadvantages existing in
supermarkets
, I still hold a firm belief that their advantages are far better than their disadvantages.
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on

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general
Try to broaden your range of vocabulary and use more varied sentence structures to enhance the overall complexity and readability of your essay.
task achievement
It would be beneficial to add a few more specific examples instead of general statements. For example, mentioning particular products or typical loyalty program offers could make your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear structure with a good introduction and conclusion, which helps to encapsulate the argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported and relevant, adding strong value to the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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