IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The improved technology allows for rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being beneficial, this is dangerous for the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As technology develops, nothing remains untouched, and the way of getting
information
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 is no exception.
While
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 some argue that thanks to the advancement in technology, people have easy access to different kinds of databases, which can pose a threat to society as a whole, in my view, modern tools play a significant role in the progress of not only communities but
also
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 individuals. On the one hand, underestimating the negative effects of technological devices on dwellers is absurd. To clarify, children are getting bombarded with a torrent of
information
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 on social platforms, which can be horribly perilous for them, since many websites, like pornography websites, are promoting some trends among teenagers.
This
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 not only endangers the new generation's mental health but
also
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 hinders sustainable development among nations.
On the other hand
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, the traditional way of researching is a thing of the past. Indeed, nowadays, thanks to the World Wide Web, individuals, especially the educated ones, have access to a wide variety of
information
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 regardless of their majors.
In other words
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, it has changed the quality and quantity of
information
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 to a great extent.
As a result
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, it provides the chance for them to broaden their horizons towards academic studies much more easily compared to the past.
Moreover
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, previously, it has provided many learning opportunities for all students, even those who live in remote villages. If they benefit from modern tools,
such
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 as the internet, smartphones, and even computers, they can take online classes with the best teachers across the world, which will result in increasing productivity and efficiency among schoolgoers. In conclusion,
although
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 unsupervised pupils are in real danger in the world of technology, it does not necessarily mean the government should limit the access of residents to it. I strongly believe that benefiting from modern devices with some rules to supervise the new generation is the best solution to create an informed society.

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structuring
Use clear links to join ideas so the flow is smooth.
content
Give more proof or plan for ideas, to show balance in view.
content
Pick simple examples that fit the task, not off topic.
language
Check word use and grammar to be correct.
content
Clear view shown in the last line, with idea to use rules to guide tech.
structure
The essay uses intro and conclusion well.
content
Many good ideas are put in separate parts.
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