Research shows that overeating can be just as harmful as smoking. Thus the advertising of certain food products should be banned, as cigar is banned in many countries. Do you agree or disagree?

Many research have shown that overeating
causes
many health issues as smoking does and the public argues that it is necessary to ban some
food
ads
to prevent
people
from consuming it.
However
, there are individuals who say it is unnecessary to ban
such
ads
because
people
only buy it at
first
but to keep consuming it, it requires the
quality
of the
products
. In my perspective, I wholeheartedly disagree with banning certain
food
ads
due to
the fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nutrition and health
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
would not allow the
food
to be distributed if it is harmful in the
first
place.
Firstly
, health issues from overeating have nothing to do with the
ads
because overeating means that the individual has no self-control in their diet. Interesting
ads
would influence
people
to buy goods,
however
, it requires the
quality
and the taste of the
food
to be able to retain consumers to keep consuming it.
For instance
, in Indonesia, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
a lot of carbonate drink brands that are advertised on television yet
people
are only
interestd
Correct your spelling
interested
in buying it at
first
and
then
buying another product that has better taste and
quality
. Within
this
fact, it is proven that
food
advertising does not cause overeating.
Moreover
, the
causes
of overeating and smoking are not comparable because
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
diagnosed with obesity have various
causes
such
as psychological issues and not because they consume certain
foodd
Correct your spelling
foods
food
that are harmful.
Furthermore
, there is an organization that observes the ingredients of foods and
products
and if the
products
fail in
quality
testing
then
it will not allowed to distribute. Because of that, it is unnecessary to ban
food
in advertising,
hence
, the
ads
management could help the consumer to be selective by giving the nutrition information in the
ads
.
To conclude
,
baning
Correct your spelling
banning
show examples
certain
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
in advertising is not
necessarry
Correct your spelling
necessary
due to
some facts.
Firstly
, continuously consuming certain foods depends on the
quality
of the
products
and
ads
only influence
people
at their
first
buy.
Secondly
, overeating has many
causes
and is influenced by
ads
playing small portions of it, so
therefore
, I disagree with banning certain foods in order to prevent overeating.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all aspects of the question. Include a more balanced discussion about the other side of the argument to strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay so that each paragraph has one clear main idea supported by relevant examples. This will improve the logical structure and the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use more sophisticated linking words and phrases to improve the flow between and within paragraphs. This will enhance the cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, and you have a conclusion that summarizes your main points.
task achievement
You attempt to provide specific examples to support your main points, which is crucial for validating your arguments.

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