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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

As global trade increase, many goods including those we use in daily basis are produced in another country and have to be transport long distance. Do benefit of this trend outweigh disadvantages?

Different consumer
products
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 involving those that people consume on a daily basis are manufactured abroad and exported from countries that are located at a great distance
as a result
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 of globalization of
trade
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. In my opinion, there are significant drawbacks to transporting
goods
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 which are produced overseas, with some minor
benefits
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. One of the disadvantages of exported
goods
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 is its effect on local producers.
Prices
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 of different
products
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 vary across various countries, and local manufacturers put higher
prices
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 on essential
goods
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 to gain short-term profits.
However
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, the local price of certain
products
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 often exceeds the world price, and
as a result
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, people are inclined towards exporting
goods
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 from those who sell them cheaper.
Consequently
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, local manufacturers suffer in the long run as they lose their old customers and fail to retain new ones.
For instance
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, a few decades ago, many European countries lost their national advantage as China, which is now the world’s biggest exporter, cut the
prices
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 of some
goods
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 to make them much more attractive to both its own citizens,
as well as
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 to foreign consumers.
Consequently
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, some major industries in Europe had to shut down their operations completely. The other disadvantage of global
trade
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 is the way that it impacts environmental stability. Transporting from foreign industries that are long-distance means that there should be more private delivery trucks to deliver a large number of ordered
products
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. As the number of vehicles rises, there are much more hazardous gasses released into the air because of fossil fuels used for cars, which in turn damages the global environment and leads to issues
such
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 as climate change.
On the other hand
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, there can be some small
benefits
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 to transporting long distance.
Firstly
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, the variety of
products
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 available increases as
trade
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 allows access to global markets. If a country does not have the necessary raw materials to produce
goods
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 that are used daily,
then
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 individuals can obtain them by purchasing from others.
Secondly
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, producers usually decrease home
prices
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 after they see a decline in their revenues as citizens stop buying from them, which in turn
benefits
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 individuals as they can enjoy lower
prices
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. In conclusion, the rise in global
trade
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 has brought more drawbacks
such
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 as damaged local industries and increased environmental concerns, though
benefits
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 including fair
prices
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 and global access cannot be ignored.

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task achievement
Try to develop your main points further with more examples or explanations. This will help strengthen your argument and provide clearer ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is easy to follow. Using clear topic sentences can help with this.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation throughout your essay. Clear writing often includes well-structured sentences.
task achievement
You clearly presented both advantages and disadvantages of global trade in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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