Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

It is obvious that modern technological inventions,
in particular
mobile
phones
with access to the internet and social media have connected more
people
than ever before.
Although
it is true that
this
had brought more
people
together, I feel that it had in fact driven us apart as
people
no longer spend physical time together or connect on an emotional level. Humans are virtually closer than before and are part of a global community.
For example
, social media apps on
phones
and tablets have allowed
people
to find and connect with others of similar interests from across the globe and work together to perform a task.
Additionally
, it allows us to virtually meet and chat with new
people
, play live games as a group and take part in virtual reality experiences together. Technology has
therefore
certainly connected more
people
together.
However
, how real is
this
connection? I would argue that despite the fact we are more connected, we are not closer together, Majority of the
people
spend most of their time on their mobile
phones
.
For instance
, when I attended the Christmas dinner at my workplace
last
year, a huge number of the employees were occupied with their
phones
and were not prepared to give up
to socialise
Change the verb form
socialising
show examples
and
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
new relationships. Another example was when I took a long train journey lasting five hours, I did not speak to the passengers sitting next to me because I had all the required entertainment within my phone.
Such
an incident would be a rare event in the past, our ancestors often made long-lasting friendships over train journeys. In conclusion, even though technological developments have improved global connections and made it possible for
people
to find and approach anyone from across the globe, it has not necessarily made us closer together. In fact, we have lost social skills and relationship-building abilities by indulging in technology.
Submitted by Mangalakumaran.sangeetha on

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task achievement
You have addressed both viewpoints effectively and provided a clear personal opinion, which is great. However, ensure that your arguments are consistently balanced; you can include more counterpoints to the viewpoint you oppose to show thorough analysis.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-structured and ideas flow logically, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs can be smoother. Consider using more linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas between paragraphs.
task achievement
You provided strong, relevant examples to support your arguments, making your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and engaging introduction and conclusion, which effectively summarize your main points and restate your opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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