IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Scientists and technology experts are more valuable to society than artists.To what extent do you agree with this view?

#scientists #technology #experts #society #artists
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It is often suggested that
scientists
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 and
technology
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experts
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 contribute more to
society
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 than artists. I agree with
this
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 view.
Although
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 it isn’t easy to measure someone’s value to
society
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, I personally feel that
scientists
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 and
technology
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experts
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 have a more significant impact not only on our
society
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’s economy
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
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 on essential services that improve our quality of life. First of all, science,
technology
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, and the arts are all very productive industries.
However
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,
while
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 there is a shortage of
scientists
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 and technicians, there tend to be fewer jobs available for creative workers.
As a result
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, creative people often spend more time unemployed, in temporary, low-skilled jobs, or working on eccentric projects that would need to generate more income.
Consequently
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, they contribute less to
society
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 financially. An example of
this
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 is a study conducted in the United States which revealed that approximately 64% of individuals with a degree in the arts end up working in fields unrelated to their artistic expertise.
Secondly
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,
although
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 art and music are often greatly respected and appreciated, it is possible to survive without them.
On the other hand
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, science and
technology
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 are necessary to provide power, water, medicine, communications, food and much more.
Therefore
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, we could argue that
experts
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 in these fields are far more valuable.
For instance
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, in times of crisis or natural disasters, it is scientific advancements that prove critical in saving lives and rebuilding communities. In conclusion, I believe
scientists
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 and
technology
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experts
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 contribute significantly more to
society
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 than artists. They have more job opportunities and play a vital part in fields like healthcare, infrastructure, and innovation.
While
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 art and music hold great cultural value, the role of science and
technology
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 in providing essential services and improving lives makes them more valuable contributors to
society
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overall
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.
Submitted by olatzbaroja on

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task response
Ensure you explore both viewpoints to fully address the question, even if you have a strong position.
task response
Consider enriching your essay with more nuanced and varied examples.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more fluidly.
task response
Explore contrasting views briefly to add depth to your argument before stating your position.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the essay's content.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure within paragraphs, making your arguments easy to follow.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
Effective focus on how science, technology, and art contribute differently to society.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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