IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. What serious problems has this caused and what should governments and individuals do to tackle these problems. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge

#overpopulation #areas #governments #individuals
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In the present day, it is obvious that most of the
cities
 in already developed countries have become overpopulated. New York in the USA, London in the United Kingdom, Tokyo in Japan and Melbourne in Australia are some best examples of
this
.
This
 situation has led to numerous
problems
. For instance, Tokyo is the most expensive city in the world with high living costs, which cannot be affordable to a normal person.it is very common to see high competition for jobs and higher salary scales around those big
metropolis
Correct your spelling
metropolises
show examples
. community from all over the country even from the rural areas arrive in
such
 big
cities
 to obtain a better job
as well as
 better facilities
such
 as health,
transport
 and infrastructure.
Although
People
 continuously come to big
cities
 for a better lifestyle, now
this
 process has led to numerous
problems
 day by day. One of the critical
problems
 around those big
cities
 is traffic jam, which leads to a waste of time
as well as
 money.
Although
 the
transport
 facilities have
also
 developed around, they are not sufficient to facilitate the needs of big crowds.
Furthermore
,
people
 tend to use private
transport
 systems rather than public
transport
, which contributes to an increase in the number of vehicles on the roads.
This
 problem can be prevented after enhancing the public transportation system and awarding the
people
 through campaigns. Apart from that , Higher noise , air and water pollution near big
cities
 is very common currently.For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 in the
last
 year, it was estimated that Colombo and Kandy were the most air polluted city in Sri Lanka like Delhi In India, which can lead to respiratory
problems
 among city dwellers.Good hygiene and waste disposal are
one
Correct determiner usage
some
show examples
 of the main issues apart from the above
problems
. Since huge crowds of
people
 gather in one location
such
 as flats, if there is no proper method to dispose of their waste it can lead to hygiene
problems
such
 as cholera , and typhoid very easily.
Therefore
 it is essential to maintain proper
maintain ace
Wrong verb form
maintenance
show examples
 in
such
 locations and
people
 dwelling flats should have the responsibility to maintain the clean environment around.
Otherwise
 spreading mosquitoes and stinky around their homes would be common .
Submitted by wm.asanka.sandaruwan on

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coherence cohesion
Try to clearly structure your essay with well-defined paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your argument follows a logical progression.
coherence cohesion
Work on crafting a stronger conclusion that summarizes your key points and potentially offers a solution or final thought.
task achievement
Make sure to support your main points with relevant and specific examples. This will help to strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Utilize transition words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the problems of overpopulation and suggests potential solutions, which is a good approach to task achievement.
task achievement
You have mentioned specific examples of cities that face overpopulation issues, which helps to make the essay more concrete and grounded in real-world context.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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