In many countries around the world , rural people are moving to cities ,so the population in the country side is decreasing Do you think it is a positive or a negative development

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Recently, plenty of residents from different nations around the globe who are living in rural areas tend to immigrate to metropolitan regions leading to a decrease in state in the countryside.
This
writer believes that
this
is a negative development
due to
bringing fewer job opportunities for juniors and reduce in agricultural production. It must be understood that the increase in community in many cities can reduce job opportunities. Intrinsically, if there are too many public applying for a job, inexperient folk will not have a chance to get an occupation.
Therefore
, the unemployment rate will increase leading to many appearances of underprivileged families, more poverty can cause more residents to commit crimes.
For example
, in Vietnam where the number of crowd living in Ho Chi Minh City has increased inexorably, a survey showed that more people have turned to crime to pay for the high cost of living. Another argument worth considering is that plenty of agricultural merchandise will be depleted because of
this
intricate issue.
Then
, it is an undeniable truth that numerous agricultural companies are located in remote areas
due to
the decline in sum of workforce so there will not be enough food to satisfy the demand for the consumerism of residents.
Consequently
, businesses have to pay a large amount of money to purchase machines which can support the workers.
For instance
, India is a compelling reason for
this
problem, where the number of
state
Change to a plural noun
states
show examples
employed in agriculture has fallen in the
last
decade. In conclusion, there are more negative elements than positive, the decrease in populace in the countryside can increase the unemployment rate in metropolitan areas
as well as
this
issue can affect cultivation.
Hence
, it can be tackled by balancing the figure of dwellers in both urban and suburb operations equally
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coherence cohesion
Try to avoid the repetition of phrases and words, such as 'reduce job opportunities' and 'leading to...'. Using synonyms or rephrasing sentences will help improve readability and avoid redundancy.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing smoother transitions between sections and paragraphs. Utilizing linking words or phrases can make the essay flow better.
task achievement
Ensure each main point is clearly outlined and consistently supported with relevant examples. This will help in conveying your argument more persuasively.
task achievement
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and inconsistencies in word usage, such as 'inexperient folk' (inexperienced people) and 'sum of workforce' (amount of workforce). Attention to these details will help in delivering a clearer essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which presents a coherent argument.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and help in supporting the main points effectively.

Your opinion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • infrastructure
  • overcrowding
  • standard of living
  • depopulation
  • agriculture
  • traditional industries
  • educational facilities
  • healthcare facilities
  • social issues
  • community ties
  • neglect
  • spill-over effects
  • remittances
  • investments
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