In many countries around the world , rural people are moving to cities ,so the population in the country side is decreasing Do you think it is a positive or a negative development

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Recently, plenty of residents from different nations around the globe who are living in rural areas tend to immigrate to metropolitan regions leading to a decrease in state in the countryside.

This

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writer believes that

this

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is a negative development

due to

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bringing fewer job opportunities for juniors and reduce in agricultural production. It must be understood that the increase in community in many cities can reduce job opportunities. Intrinsically, if there are too many public applying for a job, inexperient folk will not have a chance to get an occupation.

Therefore

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, the unemployment rate will increase leading to many appearances of underprivileged families, more poverty can cause more residents to commit crimes.

For example

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, in Vietnam where the number of crowd living in Ho Chi Minh City has increased inexorably, a survey showed that more people have turned to crime to pay for the high cost of living. Another argument worth considering is that plenty of agricultural merchandise will be depleted because of

this

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intricate issue.

Then

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, it is an undeniable truth that numerous agricultural companies are located in remote areas

due to

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the decline in sum of workforce so there will not be enough food to satisfy the demand for the consumerism of residents.

Consequently

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, businesses have to pay a large amount of money to purchase machines which can support the workers.

For instance

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, India is a compelling reason for

this

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problem, where the number of

state

Change to a plural noun

states

show examples

employed in agriculture has fallen in the

last

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decade. In conclusion, there are more negative elements than positive, the decrease in populace in the countryside can increase the unemployment rate in metropolitan areas

as well as

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this

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issue can affect cultivation.

Hence

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, it can be tackled by balancing the figure of dwellers in both urban and suburb operations equally

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coherence cohesion

Try to avoid the repetition of phrases and words, such as 'reduce job opportunities' and 'leading to...'. Using synonyms or rephrasing sentences will help improve readability and avoid redundancy.

coherence cohesion

Work on providing smoother transitions between sections and paragraphs. Utilizing linking words or phrases can make the essay flow better.

task achievement

Ensure each main point is clearly outlined and consistently supported with relevant examples. This will help in conveying your argument more persuasively.

task achievement

Watch out for minor grammatical errors and inconsistencies in word usage, such as 'inexperient folk' (inexperienced people) and 'sum of workforce' (amount of workforce). Attention to these details will help in delivering a clearer essay.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which presents a coherent argument.

task achievement

The examples provided are relevant and help in supporting the main points effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

297 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

urbanization
infrastructure
overcrowding
standard of living
depopulation
agriculture
traditional industries
educational facilities
healthcare facilities
social issues
community ties
neglect
spill-over effects
remittances
investments

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In many countries around the world , rural people are moving to cities ,so the population in the country side is decreasing Do you think it is a positive or a negative development

Your opinion

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think reading stories in books is better than watching TV or playing computer games for childre. To what extent do you agree or disagree?