Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Access
of
digital gadgets Change preposition
to
to
kids become far easier with the technological advancement happening Change preposition
for
eveyday
. Correct your spelling
every year
As a result
, majority
Correct article usage
the majority
pf
kid Correct your spelling
of
spend
most of their valuable time on Change the verb form
spends
this
Correct determiner usage
these
devices
. My take on this
, that
it is the outcome of development in technology that companies are making Add a missing verb
is that
it
available for people. I personally believe that it is an extremely negative growth for several reasons, though.
Previously, in Correct pronoun usage
apply
last
generation communication has been more real and authentic among people, Correct article usage
the last
while
now virtual communication is taking places
and day-by-day becoming popular, as individuals showing more interest in Fix the agreement mistake
place
this
kind of communication system with others. Due to
such
trends, several companies creating more devices
with advance
upgraded technology for Wrong verb form
advanced
public
to use. Correct article usage
the public
Consequently
, vast
number of Change the article
a vast
the vast
childres
Correct your spelling
children
drawn
towards these smartphones and it become inseparable Add a missing verb
are drawn
part
of their lives. Currently majority of children Fix the agreement mistake
parts
using
Wrong verb form
use
this
Change the determiner
this device
these devices
devices
because mesmerizing features available in it
Correct pronoun usage
them
such
as watching movies, playing video games, reading e-books and so on. In spite of paying attention on
education and study students Change preposition
to
indulging
in Wrong verb form
indulge
such
entertaining devices
. Many teenagers making
videos on social media and Wrong verb form
make
earning
large Wrong verb form
earn
amount
of money, Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
also
lead
to privacy threats. because Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
of
uploading every minute Change preposition
apply
details
about personal and professional life on social media Fix the agreement mistake
detail
sometime
causes negative consequences. Replace the word
sometimes
Such
as deep fake photographs and videos with the help of Artificial intelligence. Along with
that, Artificial Intelligence also
become part of lives
of people Correct article usage
the lives
specially
kids and they are using Replace the word
especially
such
application
to complete their Fix the agreement mistake
applications
homeworks
and projects.
To my way of thinking, Correct your spelling
homework
this
has several drawbacks. Firstly
, it is extremely time consuming
as many children their Add a hyphen
time-consuming
maximum
hours Correct word choice
most
in
scrolling social media for entertainment which will take most of their time Change preposition
apply
instead
spending
Change preposition
of spending
in
outdoor activities with their friends or educational work. Change preposition
on
Furthermore
, light emission from such
devices
causes physical damage to eye sight
and Correct your spelling
eyesight
brain
Correct article usage
the brain
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
decline
in Add an article
a decline
ability
to Add an article
the ability
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
as well as
difficulties in solving problems. Due to
all of these, children avoid to involve
in social Wrong verb form
involved
gathering
and Fix the agreement mistake
gatherings
participates
in large groups, unable to Correct subject-verb agreement
participate
proplerly
communicate with others face-to-face.
Correct your spelling
properly
To sum up
, that
it is a detrimental choice to let Correct word choice
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
kid
have Fix the agreement mistake
kids
smartphone
for several hoursFix the agreement mistake
smartphones
to use
, Verb problem
;
this
would causes
numerous Change the verb form
cause
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
in
Change preposition
apply
them
physically and mentally.Correct pronoun usage
apply
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grammar
The essay presents a clear topic but contains several grammatical issues and awkward phrasing. Ensure subject-verb agreement and proper use of tenses.
coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence and cohesion, use more linking words and phrases to clearly show relationships between points, and ensure that paragraphs flow smoothly.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and better develop your ideas. For instance, elaborate on how smartphones impact children’s education and socialization with concrete examples.
coherence cohesion
Revise the conclusion for adding strength and summarizing points more effectively. It should clearly restate your position and main arguments.
task achievement
The essay engages directly with the prompt and covers both reasons and consequences of children using smartphones extensively.
coherence cohesion
There are several supporting points provided, showing thought on both technological progress and the negative impacts on children.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example