IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that all students should be required to study a foreign language in school. Others feel that it is not necessary and that students should have the freedom to choose whether or not to study a foreign language. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #students #study #language #school #freedom
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Disagreements on whether
students
 should be studying a foreign
language
 in educational institutions
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 remained controversial. Some people say it is a crucial subject because it provides more opportunities in the future,
while
 others think
students
 should be independent
to select
Change preposition
in selecting
show examples
 what they want to learn.
Although
, in my opinion, the latter option gives them more freedom, having a foreign
language
 course in schools’ curricula is still necessary. A foreign
language
,
such
 as English, has been evidenced as an essential subject for all
students
 in every school. Because English is an official
language
 globally, the ability to competently utilize it expands more opportunities in future careers where competition is climbing in recent times. The hire rate of individuals who have the ability to communicate in English in Thailand,
for instance
, is higher than the others who barely keep enhancing their proficiency.
This
 showcases that foreign
language
-educated
students
 will certainly acquire
utmost
Correct article usage
the utmost
show examples
 advantages from their schools.
However
, it is said that
students
 should be supported to study independently without being constrained
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 learning subjects they are not interested in, like a foreign
language
.
Instead
, they should be encouraged to explore more about themselves, and schools can evaluate what to provide to them from that.
For example
, one of my high school friends had never seriously studied a foreign
language
classe
Correct your spelling
class
classes
, but she was
ah
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 high achiever in mathematics and science.
As a result
, it led her to become a superior engineer. From my perspective, a foreign
language
 does not only offer a chance to obtain a highly competitive job, but it
also
 broadens the
students
' communities as there are higher circumstances where they might encounter and must communicate with immigrants who are present within various communities can be found a lot nowadays.
Overall
, sparing the knowledge and capability to use a foreign
language
 provided by schools is compulsory for
students
, and the freedom to choose whether to study a foreign
language
 or not should not be an option.
Submitted by djruby19 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to improve coherence.
task achievement
Your ideas are expressed well, but consider elaborating on your points a bit more for added clarity.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion of both views, clearly articulating the advantages and disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, effectively summarizing the main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive skills
  • cultural understanding
  • globalized world
  • multilingual
  • compulsory education
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • diverse cultures
  • job market
  • international business
  • tourism
  • diplomacy
  • aptitude for languages
  • disengagement
  • tailor their education
  • flexibility
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