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Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people think that increasing the cost of fuel is one of the best ways to solve environmental problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion？

#people #cost #fuel #opinion？
There are many causes leading to environmental
problems
 in our world and some people believe that only increasing the cost of fossil fuels can address those issues. In my opinion, I slightly disagree with
this
 idea and my reasons will be outlined in the following paragraphs before reaching a conclusion.
To begin
 with, a number of environmental
problems
 will remain the same even if the cost of fuel increases, and it is because we still have other issues. To explain
this
 in greater detail, deforestation which is one of the major causes is still unsolved.
Moreover
, excessive use of non-biodegradables leads to waste burning and air pollution.
For instance
, a piece of news that I read
last
 week said about a problem at the border of Myanmar, they had illegal deforestation to make resorts for some lawyers and a vast number of non-recycling litter in that area was
also
 burnt making harmful haze spreading to neighbour countries.
Additionally
, another crucial reason to support my idea is the government. To elaborate
further
, there are many strict restrictions that have been set up to tackle environmental matters but the governments do not impose them.
Furthermore
, governments all around the world always ignore these natural
problems
 and focus on other topics.
For instance
, in my community, after a year of filing a complaint to the government, telling them to utilise their power to bring down a factory that has illegally burned its debris at midnight, they still ignore our complaints.
Overall
, it is a fact that an increasing cost of fuel can depreciate environmental issues. From my point of view, there are several
problems
 that still destroy the environment around the world.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task achievement
Try to develop your ideas more completely. Each paragraph should have a clear point that is elaborated on with specific details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with the organization. While the essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, some points can be more logically connected, and transitions between ideas should be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance readability and interest.
coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion which frames the response neatly.
task achievement
You include specific examples to support your points, making your argument more credible.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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