It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Many assumptions suggest that taking
risks
in both professional lives and personal lives is crucial. I totally favour the benefits that it brings back. Taking
risks
can help people to enhance their confidence in some way.
Besides
, it
also
supports the growth of children in their studies.
To begin
, people might gain more confidence after taking
risks
. It can be observed that taking
risks
might lead to failure but at that time you can identify your fault.
For example
, Thomas Edison
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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tried nearly ten thousand times to completely create the bulb
as
Correct word choice
apply
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we use to date.
Moreover
, many famous people with their own businesses
also
experienced a difficult time succeeding in the present.
For instance
, Bill Gates and Elon Musk had a lot of ado when they were teenagers but after challenging themselves, they have a large budget for themselves and lots of lessons for their descendants.
Furthermore
, taking
risks
also
appears when you are a child or in your teenage and has a great impact on your life. Children always think that
risks
are really dangerous and
Add a missing verb
are scare
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scare
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scared
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of
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
them. Yet, if the children dare to think and dare to tackle those challenges, it can give you a worthy result.
As a result
of taking
risks
in an educational environment, students might learn critical skills or the ability to control their emotions when faced with failure. In conclusion, the merits of taking
risks
cannot be rejected because of its difficulty. It is a fact that more companies concentrate on the capacity of the staff so the competitive level
also
increases.
Thus
taking
risks
might be help you to improve your knowledge or your capacity that necessary for your future.
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task achievement
While the essay does respond to the prompt adequately, it could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the disadvantages of taking risks. Providing a balanced view can enhance the completeness of the response.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are complex and combined effectively, but occasionally the flow is interrupted by minor grammatical errors or awkward phrasing. Proofreading can help to polish these areas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a nice structure for the reader.
task achievement
Main points are supported with specific examples, such as the references to Thomas Edison, Bill Gates, and Elon Musk, which add depth and relevance to the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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