It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives

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Many assumptions suggest that taking

risks

in both professional lives and personal lives is crucial. I totally favour the benefits that it brings back. Taking

risks

can help people to enhance their confidence in some way.

Besides

, it

also

supports the growth of children in their studies.

To begin

, people might gain more confidence after taking

risks

. It can be observed that taking

risks

might lead to failure but at that time you can identify your fault.

For example

, Thomas Edison

had

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

tried nearly ten thousand times to completely create the bulb

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

we use to date.

Moreover

, many famous people with their own businesses

also

experienced a difficult time succeeding in the present.

For instance

, Bill Gates and Elon Musk had a lot of ado when they were teenagers but after challenging themselves, they have a large budget for themselves and lots of lessons for their descendants.

Furthermore

, taking

risks

also

appears when you are a child or in your teenage and has a great impact on your life. Children always think that

risks

are really dangerous and

Add a missing verb

are scare

show examples

scare

Replace the word

scared

show examples

face to face

Add a hyphen

face-to-face

show examples

them. Yet, if the children dare to think and dare to tackle those challenges, it can give you a worthy result.

As a result

of taking

risks

in an educational environment, students might learn critical skills or the ability to control their emotions when faced with failure. In conclusion, the merits of taking

risks

cannot be rejected because of its difficulty. It is a fact that more companies concentrate on the capacity of the staff so the competitive level

also

increases.

Thus

taking

risks

might be help you to improve your knowledge or your capacity that necessary for your future.

Submitted by [email protected] on Fri May 24 2024

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task achievement

While the essay does respond to the prompt adequately, it could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the disadvantages of taking risks. Providing a balanced view can enhance the completeness of the response.

coherence cohesion

Some sentences are complex and combined effectively, but occasionally the flow is interrupted by minor grammatical errors or awkward phrasing. Proofreading can help to polish these areas.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a nice structure for the reader.

task achievement

Main points are supported with specific examples, such as the references to Thomas Edison, Bill Gates, and Elon Musk, which add depth and relevance to the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

284 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Opportunities
Growth
Innovation
Challenges
Self-discovery
Resilience
Uncertainty
Consequences
Calculated risks
Stagnation
Regret
Comfort zone
Entrepreneurship
Adventurous spirit
Thriving
Failure
Mitigate
Reap the rewards

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It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

It is the responsibility of school to teach children good behavior aside formal education. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

Manual labour has almost lost its meaning due to improvements in technology and automated machinery. Consequently, working hours should be cut down. Do you agree or disagree?

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?