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Band 5

People naturally resist making changes in their lives. What kind of problems can this cause? What solutions can you suggest?

#people #changes #lives
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that some
people
 naturally resist making changes in their
lives
.
This
 essay will first suggest that the biggest problem caused by
this
 phenomenon is worrying about making decisions and
then
 argue that gaining more knowledge is the most viable solution. In most situations of our
lives
 life changes create fear and some dangerous feelings in
people
 and these feelings are caused by making some hard decisions in our
lives
.
For instance
, some
people
 want to move to more developed countries and cities. But, there will be some issues like adapting to
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 lifestyle, having different daily routines, having different meals,
finding
Correct word choice
and finding
show examples
 new friends and there are some
people
 that are complicated with that and do not want to break their old habits. In the end, they will be
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dead inside
people
, they will lose their goals in
this
 life, so they will want to just die. In order to solve
this
 problem,
people
 need to improve their knowledge about their new lifestyles. After gaining
needed
Correct article usage
the needed
show examples
 information they will know more and more about the results of changing their
lives
 and they will not suffer any problems. It is the twenty-first century, so I think that every person on
this
 planet knows how to gain information, there are lots of resources on the Internet,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 can even ask
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their friends or relatives.
To sum up
, suffering from changing our
lives
 is one of the challenges we face, and it will lead
people
feel
Add the particle
to feel
show examples
 stress and fear, but
possible
Add an article
a possible
show examples
 solution could be to
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 new
datas
Correct your spelling
data
 about their new lifestyles from different resources like
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
, friends and relatives.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
Ensure your arguments are fully developed and supported with relevant examples. For instance, elaborate on specific issues people might face when moving to a new place and provide more concrete examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the overall cohesion of the essay.
task achievement
Avoid generalizations and ensure that your ideas are clearly and thoroughly explained. For example, clarify what you mean by 'learning new datas' and specify how this can help in adapting to new changes.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have addressed the task and provided a response to both parts of the question.
task achievement
The overall idea of suggesting gaining knowledge as a solution is logical and relevant.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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