IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Some people believe that studying abroad is important because it expands a person’s knowledge and understanding of the world. Others feel that it is better to study at home because that is the best way to prepare for a career in the student’s own country. Discuss both views, and give your opinion

#people #person’s #world #study #home #career #student’s #country
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given information about Pie chart which
represent
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represents
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 the result of a survey of children's activities between both
gender
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genders
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 about their cultural and leisure
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interest
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interests
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 which is different
percentage
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percentages
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. If we look at the first chart we understand
thar
Correct your spelling
that
this
Linking Words
 is about Boy's cultural and leisure activities they have
highest
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the highest
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interest
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 in computer games which is 34
percent
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 and
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
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interest
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 in reading which is 2
percent
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along with
Linking Words
 Soccer, Basketball, Skateboarding
and
Correct word choice
apply
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etc. If we cast an eye we understand that
the
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in the
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 second chart about
Girl's
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girls'
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 cultural and leisure activities they have
highest
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the highest
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interest
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 in Dancing which is 27
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percent
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per cent
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 and
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
interest
Use synonyms
 in listening to music which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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10
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percent
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per cent
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along with
Linking Words
 Netball, Reading, Gymnastics and etc. The significant comments are girls are better than
boy's
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boys
boy
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 because of
good
Correct article usage
the good
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 percentage
in
Change preposition
of
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 Reading.
Submitted by tushalk329 on

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task achievement
To improve your essay, it is important to make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and support it with specific details. For example, you can explain why boys might prefer computer games or why girls are more interested in dancing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical flow from one point to the next. For instance, first describe the boys' activities fully, then move to the girls' activities, and finally compare the two. Transitional phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'Similarly' can help.
coherence cohesion
Begin with an introduction that clearly states what the essay will discuss, and end with a conclusion summarizing the main points and restating your opinion.
task achievement
The essay touches on both charts, pointing out the main areas of interest for both genders.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • expand one's horizons
  • cultural immersion
  • language proficiency
  • global perspective
  • educational diversity
  • professional networking
  • local job market
  • career prospects
  • financial burden
  • industry practices
What to do next:
Look at other essays: