IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that children should start school at a very early age, but others believe that children should not go to school until they are older. Dicuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Whether
children
Use synonyms
 should attend
school
Use synonyms
 early or when they get older.
This
Linking Words
 writer believes that starting
school
Use synonyms
 early will help
children
Use synonyms
 have a stable knowledge when they grow up older and easier to change their bad habits,
however
Linking Words
, some people think going to
school
Use synonyms
 at an older
age
Use synonyms
 helps schools and
teachers
Use synonyms
 manage them easier. It is vital to understand that schools are open to educating
children
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 them with knowledge and good behaviour.
In other words
Linking Words
, getting
children
Use synonyms
 to go to
school
Use synonyms
 at a very early
age
Use synonyms
 helps them have a stable knowledge when they grow up and know how to behave in a good way before they have a bad habit or
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
bad
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. When
children
Use synonyms
 are still small, it is easier to change their habits and behaviours than when they are older because when they get older, the bad habits have followed them for
along
Correct your spelling
a long
show examples
 period
so
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which will make it harder to teach them to have a good habit and attitudes.
As a result
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 who attended
school
Use synonyms
 early seem to behave better than those who attended
school
Use synonyms
 late.
However
Linking Words
, some people believe that
children
Use synonyms
 go to
school
Use synonyms
 at an older
age
Use synonyms
 so their families to have time raise them and help
teachers
Use synonyms
 manage them more easily. It is believed that
children
Use synonyms
attend
Correct pronoun usage
who attend
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 late will know how to listen and learn quicker than younger
children
Use synonyms
 because when they get older they know how to think and understand information easily.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
teachers
Use synonyms
 can teach and manage them
easier
Rephrase
more easily
show examples
 than those who are still small.
This
Linking Words
 could be true but older
children
Use synonyms
 tend to do things they like and do not listen to their
teachers
Use synonyms
 or
parents
Use synonyms
 very often and if they have a bad attitude that their
parents
Use synonyms
 do not notice or
careabout
Correct your spelling
care about
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when they come to
school
Use synonyms
, it will be hard for
teachers
Use synonyms
 to fix it.
This
Linking Words
 writer thinks that going to
school
Use synonyms
 at an early
age
Use synonyms
 will provide
children
Use synonyms
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
better academic level when they get older and
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good behaviour with people around them.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that staying at home until they get older will make them lazier.
This
Linking Words
 is why
parents
Use synonyms
 need to let their child go to
school
Use synonyms
 early or they will rely on their
parents
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, going to
school
Use synonyms
 at an early
age
Use synonyms
 gives
children
Use synonyms
 a better characteristic and is well educated.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay needs more specific examples to support the points made. For instance, providing real-world or hypothetical situations where early schooling positively impacts children's habits and knowledge would be helpful.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a coherent line of thought throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Several grammatical errors and awkward phrases are present. For example, 'followed them for along period' should be 'followed them for a long period.' Consider proofreading or using grammar-check tools.
coherence cohesion
A clear stance is presented at the beginning and the conclusion reiterates the opinion effectively, which is good for task achievement and coherence.
task achievement
The essay covers both views on the topic, offering a balanced discussion which strengthens the task response.
task achievement
Key points related to the importance of early schooling and its benefits for habits and behaviors are well articulated.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: