Scientist agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damanging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by education people while others believe that this education will not work. Discuss buth view and give your opinion.

#scientist #people #junk #food #health #education #work #buth

Researches

Correct your spelling

Researchers

show examples

have different views about

Correct article usage

the

show examples

prevention of consuming processed

food

While

some

people

beleive

Correct your spelling

believe

that it can be controlled through education, in my opinion,

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

setbacks can be

curb

Wrong verb form

curbed

show examples

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

increasing the prices of fast

meal

Fix the agreement mistake

meals

show examples

. On the one hand, educating

people

on the need not to consume canned

meal

Fix the agreement mistake

meals

show examples

can be beneficial.

This

is because some

people

are not aware of the detrimental effect

those meal

Change the determiner

that meal

those meals

show examples

could have on their health. Professors can use animations

such

as how

junk

food

has

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

damage

Fix the agreement mistake

damages

show examples

individual

heart

Fix the agreement mistake

hearts

show examples

, or

liver

Fix the agreement mistake

livers

show examples

just to create awareness for

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

folk.

For instance

, the vast

majoriy

Correct your spelling

majority

of Ghanaians used to consume

junk

food

because they did not know the harmful

effect

Fix the agreement mistake

effects

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

it,

however

after the Ministry of Education impacted knowledge on

this

folk, they realised the effect of it

as a result

, the

Change preposition

apply

show examples

take of

this

meal has dwindled.

This

has helped reduce the risk of some

people

having conditions

such

as hypertension and even becoming obese. On the other

had

Correct your spelling

hand

show examples

, authorities can mitigate

this

problem by increasing the price of

those meal

Change the determiner

that meal

those meals

show examples

Alot

Correct your spelling

A lot

people

always have

a different opinions

Correct the article-noun agreement

different opinions

a different opinion

show examples

when purchasing goods that are expensive. They mostly desist from buying

such

goods. The same thing applies to

junk

meal

Fix the agreement mistake

meals

show examples

People

will not have the interest of buying them because of the price.

For example

, Kenja was among the highest countries where

Correct pronoun usage

its

show examples

members love consuming canned

food

as a result

, the vast majority of them were having diseases

such

as hypertension,

Correct word choice

and myocardia

show examples

myocardia

Replace the word

myocardial

show examples

infarction. After the

governement

Correct your spelling

government

raised the amount, the intake of fast

meal

Fix the agreement mistake

meals

show examples

has

Verb problem

was

show examples

reduced and

this

has

subsequenty

Correct your spelling

subsequently

prevent

Wrong verb form

prevented

show examples

most

caompanies

Correct your spelling

companies

from importing fast

meal

Fix the agreement mistake

meals

show examples

from

another

Correct quantifier usage

other

show examples

countrise

Correct your spelling

country

countries

. If the state had not elevated the amount,

people

would

been

Change the verb form

show examples

still buying them. It is in view of

this

that

Change the capitalization

show examples

opine that, aside

education

Change preposition

from education

show examples

, consuming processed

meal

Fix the agreement mistake

meals

show examples

can

be curb

Change the verb form

be curbed

show examples

effectively by authorities increasing the price. In conclusion,

although

impacting knowledge on humankind can help reduce the intake of

junk

food

however

Change the capitalization

show examples

beleive

Correct your spelling

believe

that authorities can mitigate

this

effectively by raising the amount of those fast

food

Submitted by boadimaxwell48 on Fri May 24 2024

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coherence cohesion

The essay could benefit from a more defined structure, especially ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is expanded upon with relevant details.

task achievement

Several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings should be corrected to enhance readability and clear communication of ideas.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion could be more compelling, summarizing the main points more effectively and guiding the reader through the essay.

task achievement

The essay provides relevant examples to support the arguments on both sides of the debate.

task achievement

The writer shows an understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view by discussing both viewpoints before stating their opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
42Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

348 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Scientist agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damanging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by education people while others believe that this education will not work. Discuss buth view and give your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The best way for a government to prepare for the future is to invest in young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Modern children are suffering from the disease that were once considered to be meant for adult only obesity is a major disease prevalent among children what are its causes and what solutions can be offered.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

First impressions are highly important. So, some people think that doing well in interviews is the key to securing a good job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?