IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to college or to try to get a job. You think they should get a job. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter: •say they would not enjoy going to college •explain why getting a job is a good idea for them •suggest types of jobs that would be suitable for them

#friend #advice #college #job #•say #•explain #idea #•suggest #jobs
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Hey Jenny, I was so glad to get your letter, and I totally
get
Verb problem
understand
show examples
 the dilemma you're facing about whether to go to college or start working. Let me share my thoughts with you.
First,
I have a hunch that college might not be your thing. You've always been more of a hands-on, practical learner, and I can't see you sitting in lectures and pouring over textbooks for years. Though college can be a fantastic experience, it's not for everyone, and it's crucial to follow your own path. Getting a job now could be a great idea for you as it offers a chance to gain real-world experience, build skills, and figure out what you're passionate about. Plus, you'll be earning money and gaining independence, which is liberating. Given your friendly and outgoing personality, I think customer service jobs like working in a cafe, as a sales associate, or even in event planning could be a great start. These roles would let you interact with people and learn valuable communication skills
while
 earning a paycheck. Ultimately, the choice is yours, Jenny, and you should follow your gut. Just remember, there's no one-size-fits-all answer, and the important thing is finding what makes you happy and fulfilled. Catch up soon! Warm regards,
Submitted by Negar_seddigh on

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greeting and closing
Try to add a slightly more detailed closing remark to leave a lasting impression.
logical structure
Consider dividing the paragraph about the benefits of getting a job into two for better readability.
suitable writing tone
Your writing tone is friendly and supportive, which suits the purpose of the letter perfectly.
complete response
You addressed all parts of the task clearly and provided specific suggestions.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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