Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experiences
Even though all the expensive modern medical facilities cannot be provided, countries should provide free
health
care to its
citizens. I completely agree Correct pronoun usage
their
Change preposition
with
to
Change preposition
with
this
because it creates a much more healthy
population and it Correct word choice
healthier
also
bridges the gap of poverty in health
facilities.
On the one hand, making health
services
free of cost develops a community that is
more disease free
. Free costs encourage more Add a hyphen
disease-free
people
to go to the hospitals
when they suffer a disease
. Many people
are reluctant to go to the doctors because of heavy expenses, they prefer to stay at home and treat themselves, which at times can lead to increased complications and severity of the disease
. For instance
, it has been found that atleast
70% of the population of Indonesia Correct your spelling
at least
do
not visit Correct subject-verb agreement
does
hospitals
due to
its
high costs and Correct pronoun usage
their
this
is a country
with a higher number of deaths. Making the services
free, thus
, will lead to increased
number of diseased Add an article
an increased
the increased
people
going to health
facilities. Not only does this
motivate people
to go for treatment procedures, but also
to take part in disease
screening programmes, which help detect several pathologies at an earlier stage, thus
preventing Correct article usage
the occurence
occurence
of the Correct your spelling
occurrence
disease
. All these leads
to a very healthy, Change the verb form
lead
disease
-free country
which makes a nation strong in all terms.
On the other hand
, free health
care by the government reduces the discrepancy between the poor and the rich. People
who are wealthy tend to get acess
to private Correct your spelling
access
hopsitals
and government Correct your spelling
hospitals
hospitals
at anytime
they are sick as finance is not a problem for them. Replace the word
any time
This
is not the case with those who are financially backward. Most of the times
, private Fix the agreement mistake
time
hospitals
tend to charge a large amount of money which forces them to depend on governemnt
Correct your spelling
government
services
, if such
services
also
become expensive they would not have a
proper access Remove the article
apply
into
healthcare. Change preposition
to
While
, making the hospitals
free of charge can support them in detecting, preventing and treating diseases
. Such
people
with low living standards are already more prone to diseases
due to
their living conditions, if the costs are not cut down it would further
increase incidence
of Add an article
the incidence
diseases
.
In conclusion, health
care should definitely be made free as it makes a country
with healthy and strong people
, as well as
, it gives more oppurtunities
for the financially backward Correct your spelling
opportunities
people
to get acess
Correct your spelling
access
into
healthcare. Change preposition
to
This
would reduce the number of diseases
in a country
due to
more detection and treatment of diseases
.Submitted by mshkrp2 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence and cohesion
Work on polishing the coherence by ensuring smoother transitions between ideas. For instance, incorporating more varied linking words and phrases can help in integrating the essay into a single seamless unit.
task achievement
While your argument is clear, refining the language used for expressing more complex thoughts will add depth to your response. This will bring out more sophistication and clarity in ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs, each addressing specific aspects of the argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as the mention of Indonesia, which strengthens your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example