IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem?

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In
this
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 contemporary society, despite the technological advancement in agriculture, many
people
Use synonyms
 around the world are still starving
due to
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 poverty. In
this
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 essay, I will address the causes of
this
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 issue and provide optimal solutions to tackle
this
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 problem. There are various factors causing
people
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 in some parts of the world to still be hungry. Poverty was considered as one of the most significant reasons. Despite technological advancement,
people
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 are still starving because they cannot earn a livelihood and afford to buy food.
For example
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, poor and undeveloped countries have a high rate of unemployment because of
a
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apply
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low economic growth.
Additionally
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,
people
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 in some countries are suffering a high inflation rate, leading to
a
Correct article usage
apply
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financial
burden
Fix the agreement mistake
burdens
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such
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 as housing prices or fuel costs. The optimal solution to
this
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 problem is for the
government
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 to implement practical policies and measures to increase employment in the job market and help
people
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 earn enough money to buy food. In the short term, The
government
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 should launch free education programs in areas
such
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 as cooking, fashion design or computer programming to increase employability and align with job market demands.
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Additionally
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Additionally,
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 the
government
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 should invest in infrastructure projects like high-speed
trains
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train
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 construction to create more job opportunities. For long-term solutions, the
government
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 should attract foreign direct investment to their country to boost employment rates.
As a result
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,
people
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 can become self-reliant and prevent hunger.  In conclusion, the
government
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 plays a crucial role
to protect
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in protecting
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people
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 against hunger and poverty by implementing action plans to increase investment and employment.
In addition
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, the
government
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 should provide educational facilities to improve citizen’s working skills.

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task achievement
Your essay has a good structure with a clear introduction and a solid conclusion. However, try to develop your ideas more thoroughly and provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are well-linked and the transitions between them are smooth. Make sure that each paragraph has a single clear focus.
introduction conclusion present
You provided a clear and concise introduction, outlining the essay's purpose and intent effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarized the main points and reiterated the importance of government actions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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