Parents of obese children should be punished for making them fat? Do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that mothers and fathers of overweight kids should be penalized
due to
supporting them to be fat. Linking Words
This
essay disagrees with Linking Words
this
statement because obesity can be caused by genetics and Linking Words
children
usually eat unhealthy food outside of the home.
Use synonyms
Firstly
, one of the reasons Linking Words
children
become obese is genetics. Actually, kids receive the genes from the older generation of their family. Use synonyms
Therefore
, if someone has a slow metabolism, they are naturally inclined to gain more fat. Linking Words
For instance
, a recent study found that 30 % of the Linking Words
children
in North America suffer from morbid obesity Use synonyms
due to
genetic disorders.
Linking Words
Secondly
, adults are not with their kids all day. When Linking Words
children
are at school they eat snacks and adults have no control over their dietary intake during Use synonyms
this
time. A child could consume the majority of their calories during these unsupervised periods without their parents and much of Linking Words
this
eating junk food at Linking Words
this
moment. Linking Words
For example
, recent research concluded that more than 70% of middle school students prefer hamburgers or hotdogs as lunch in school cafeterias.
In conclusion, parents should not be sanctioned if their sons or daughters are too heavy because they are unable to supervise their diet during the day and genes play a main role in the weight of a human being.Linking Words
Submitted by janmuldayevaa1 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well, but make sure to explore a slightly broader range of perspectives to boost the task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Work on using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are both clear and concise, effectively framing your argument.
relevant specific examples
You have used relevant and specific examples which support your points and make your argument more compelling.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?