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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that competition at work, at school or in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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In today’s world, many individuals claim that
competition
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 in
work
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 offices, at schools and in daily life is beneficial. Meanwhile, others suppose that
instead
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 of competing against each other, humans should learn to cooperate for a common goal. The following essay is going to discuss both these views and state why I support the former. On the one hand,
competition
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 provides positive results to an organization since it motivates people to give their best performance.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that, when working in a competitive environment, most people would have to
work
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 under tremendous peer pressure,
thus
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 encouraging them to
work
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 more diligently to compete with their co-workers.
Moreover
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,
competition
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 is often linked to incentives and bonuses,
hence
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, it could be a great source of motivation for individuals to
work
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 harder to earn more money and get a promotion.
For example
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, an incentive policy which indicates that the best employee of the year is going to get promoted to the head of
department
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the department
a department
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 will elevate the result of the whole company since people would strive for
this
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 opportunity.
On the other hand
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, cooperation could help employees improve their soft skills. Simply put, when working in a group, individuals need to learn how to cooperate with others to ensure that their tasks are met with the expectations. In order to make that happen, employees need to improve their communication skills to avoid spreading excessive and misleading information,
as well as
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 learn about each other’s strengths, so that each person
could
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can
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 offer their best effort to the common goal.
For instance
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, a marketing team could create the most captivating advertisement when every member of the team is well informed of their job requirements. In conclusion,
while
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 cooperation could improve a person’s soft skills, I believe
competition
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 is beneficial for an organization since it could make the most well-performed person stand out, and ensure that they are rewarded
according to
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 their efforts.

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task achievement
Consider adding a few more examples or elaborating on the points made to strengthen your arguments further.
coherence
Work on smoother transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of your ideas.
coherence
Make sure to clearly articulate your opinion in the introduction, which you did well, but revisiting it in the conclusion could further clarify your stance.
content
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, clearly stating both views and your opinion.
content
You provide relevant examples that support your points, showcasing a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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