IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #individuals
Some
people
 believe that we are more reckon on others currently,
while
 others argue
people
 live self-sufficient nowadays. In my view, modern life forces us to be more independent the mankind
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 in the past. There are two main reasons why some
people
 consider today’s society
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more hinge on. The first one is that life seems to be more complex and difficult, with inflation getting quicker, our living costs are
also
 getting higher.
For example
, house
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 increased dramatically in recent years, so without the help of their parents, it seems inconceivable for young
people
 to buy a house of their own.
Moreover
,
people
 are more ambitious today, and many parents spend most of their time making money in order to offer better life quality for their families, so they sometimes end up letting grandparents or babysitters look after their children .
However
, I would agree with those who believe
people
 are more independent these days. In most countries, tribes are becoming smaller and more dispersed, which means that
people
 can not count on their families as much as they used to. We
also
 have more freedom and opportunities to travel around the world,
for instance
, many students choose to study or work abroad these days, so without the company of their families or friends, they need to rely on themselves. Another reason contributing to aforementioned independence is advanced technology,
people
 can work remotely or work alone from any part of the world. In conclusion, even though some
people
 consider us
reckon
Fix the infinitive
to reckon
show examples
 on each other nowadays, I would argue that
due to
 the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 mentioned above,
people
 are more independent than ever.
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language
Consider improving sentence structures and word choices to enhance clarity and formality. For example, the phrase 'we are more reckon on others' should be 'we rely more on others.'
task response
Make sure to address both views of the argument with equal depth. Consider expanding on the points about why people are more dependent today.
coherence cohesion
Work on varied vocabulary and linking phrases to improve coherence and cohesion across the essay. Using a wider range of connectors like 'Furthermore,' 'Therefore,' and 'In addition' can help to better organize your ideas.
task response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and clearly communicates the writer's opinion.
task response
Good use of examples, such as the rise in house prices and the trend of studying or working abroad, to support the main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • globalization
  • remote work
  • independence
  • dependency
  • specialization
  • professional services
  • social validation
  • individualism
  • self-reliance
  • collective action
  • sustainability
  • global community
  • navigating
  • complexity
  • environmental movement
What to do next:
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