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Some people think museums and art galleries should show works of art and history from their own country rather than from different parts of the world. Do you agree or disagree ?

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It is argued that
museums
 should present works of art and
history
according to
 their nation rather than from all over the
world
.
This
 essay disagrees with
this
 statement because the restriction limits human knowledge and decreases the interest among customers to visit
museums
. First of all, showcasing only national projects of art and
history
 limits the possibilities of learning more about the
world
.
In other words
,
people
 who do not have access to a wider range of data on
world
 culture and
history
 can not
further
 evolve and educate themselves.
Therefore
 it leads to a less intelligent society.
For instance
,
according to
 recent research, students who learn the
history
 of only their birth region are shown to experience more struggles in studying geography. Particularly with remembering the placement of every country.
Secondly
,
due to
 the lack of foreign works of art and
history
, more
people
 lose interest in visiting
museums
. They peak more interest in foreigners,
while
 residents prefer to explore and see information on varied cultures from all over the
world
.
Consequently
, the level of visitors to
museums
 significantly falls. Take
for example
Louvre
Correct article usage
the Louvre
show examples
 in Paris, it attracts so many
people
 every year, because of its diversity and multiculturalism the artworks have.
In addition
, the high level of visitors contributes to
people
's intelligence. In conclusion,
museums
 should not present only national
history
 and culture. I believe it prevents
further
 evolution in society and shortens the number of visitors to
museums
due to
 the lack of curiosity among residents.
Submitted by katenok200312 on

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or case studies to further strengthen your arguments. This will make your essay more compelling and credible.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all your points are thoroughly elaborated and connected to your overall thesis. Some points, such as the one in your conclusion, can be expanded further to add more depth.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help in framing your arguments well.
task achievement
The main points are relevant to the topic and provide a solid basis for arguing your position.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a logical flow, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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