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Band 5.5

Many people today buy ready-made food rather than spend time cooking. What do you think are the reason for this Do you think the advantages of this development outright the disadvantages

#people #food #time #reason #do #development
Food
 is
one
 of the vital sources of our livelihood.As Air and water are needed for our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
,
food
 is
one
 among them.But many when moving onto
food
, don't know which
one
 to choose either the homemade
food
 or the ready-made
food
.
According to
 me,meals prepared at home are healthier than packed
foods
 in the market.Let us discuss the below points with some examples. Home-cooked
foods
 are basically prepared by our moms,who manage the oil,and sugar content in our
food
.They prepare for us based on our likes and dislikes and all the ingredients they use are known to us.
For Instance
, consider a person staying out of his city for work purposes and fully relying on outside
food
.He prefers
food
 which is cheap,so as to reduce the cost of living.We all know ready-made
foods
 are called fast
foods
 as they contain excess oil
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and ingredients like MSG which are not good for
health
 and are very dangerous too.
Instead
, a guy staying with his family
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
gets good
food
 which helps to stay healthy
besides
 he can
also
 focus on his work and
health
.Most of the time,the reason why we tend to select the outside
food
 like Burger,fish & chips etc for its addictive taste and crispiness.These can be bought in emergency situations when no
one
 to cook or if you don't know how to cook.People should try to reduce ordering
food
 or eating outside frequently which can save them lots of money .
In addition
, it
also
 saves their
health
.An Oxford study declared that almost around 70% of people have been suffering from
health
 issues like Cancer,and Cardio diseases are caused by hotel
foods
 only. In conclusion,people should spend some time
to cook
Change the verb form
cooking
show examples
 and
prepare
Wrong verb form
preparing
show examples
 their own
food
instead
 of ready-made
foods
.The advantages of home-cooked
foods
 have outweighed the disadvantages of eating outside.So we should have a healthy meal and save the upcoming generation by learning and teaching some cooking skills.
Submitted by nusramkumar on

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coherence cohesion
Work on creating clearer paragraph structures. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically to the next.
coherence cohesion
Make your introduction more concise and ensure it clearly outlines your main argument.
task achievement
Expand your points with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarized your main points.
task achievement
You made a clear argument in favor of home-cooked meals over ready-made food.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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