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Band 3.5

the procees show cocoa beans and chocolATE MAKING DIAGRAMM

#procees #show #cocoa #beans #chocolate #diagramm
The following chart shows the way in which
cocoa
beans
 are made and turned
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 chocolate.
Overall
, the manufacturer includes 10 steps beginning with growing
cocoa
 trees in plantations and ending with obtaining liquid .
To begin
 with,
cocoa
 trees are grown in three regions
that is
 South America, Africa and Indonesia. There only red pods are ripped.
Then
 pods are harvested in order to take out fresh white
cocoa
beans
. Next is fermenting
beans
 leading to spreading them in the sun in order to dry them.
Half prepared
Add a hyphen
Half-prepared
show examples
 products are distributed into large sacks by using scales. After that 50 percent of the work is done in the process
beans
 are transported by train or lorry to be delivered to a factory. There in baking
beans
 are roasted at 360 degrees Celsius Fahrenheit. Afterwards,
beans
 are separated into crushed and outer shell removed
beans
. The manufacture ends with making liquid.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Detailed Task Achievement
Ensure that each step in the process is described in sufficient detail and clarity. There are instances where the descriptions could be elaborated more clearly to maintain comprehension.
Text Coherence and Cohesion
Review and refine the logical flow of the essay. Some transitions between processing steps could be smoother to enhance readability and coherence.
Detailed Task Achievement
Make use of relevant and specific vocabulary related to the process. For example, mentioning 'crushing' and 'shell removal' in more detail could improve understanding.
Introduction and Conclusion Presence
Work on providing a more structured conclusion that summarizes the process clearly.
General Writing Quality
Pay attention to minor grammatical and spelling errors, such as 'ripped' instead of 'ripe' and small typos, to better convey your ideas.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive overview of the cocoa bean to chocolate making process, covering all the steps in sequence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and body paragraphs are organized in a logical order, ensuring that the explanation follows the actual sequence of events in the production process.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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