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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

the procees show cocoa beans and chocolATE MAKING DIAGRAMM

#procees #show #cocoa #beans #chocolate #diagramm
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The following chart shows the way in which
cocoa
Use synonyms
beans
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 are made and turned
to
Change preposition
into
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 chocolate.
Overall
Linking Words
, the manufacturer includes 10 steps beginning with growing
cocoa
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 trees in plantations and ending with obtaining liquid .
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
cocoa
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 trees are grown in three regions
that is
Linking Words
 South America, Africa and Indonesia. There only red pods are ripped.
Then
Linking Words
 pods are harvested in order to take out fresh white
cocoa
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beans
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. Next is fermenting
beans
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 leading to spreading them in the sun in order to dry them.
Half prepared
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Half-prepared
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 products are distributed into large sacks by using scales. After that 50 percent of the work is done in the process
beans
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 are transported by train or lorry to be delivered to a factory. There in baking
beans
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 are roasted at 360 degrees Celsius Fahrenheit. Afterwards,
beans
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 are separated into crushed and outer shell removed
beans
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. The manufacture ends with making liquid.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Detailed Task Achievement
Ensure that each step in the process is described in sufficient detail and clarity. There are instances where the descriptions could be elaborated more clearly to maintain comprehension.
Text Coherence and Cohesion
Review and refine the logical flow of the essay. Some transitions between processing steps could be smoother to enhance readability and coherence.
Detailed Task Achievement
Make use of relevant and specific vocabulary related to the process. For example, mentioning 'crushing' and 'shell removal' in more detail could improve understanding.
Introduction and Conclusion Presence
Work on providing a more structured conclusion that summarizes the process clearly.
General Writing Quality
Pay attention to minor grammatical and spelling errors, such as 'ripped' instead of 'ripe' and small typos, to better convey your ideas.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive overview of the cocoa bean to chocolate making process, covering all the steps in sequence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and body paragraphs are organized in a logical order, ensuring that the explanation follows the actual sequence of events in the production process.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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