You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.
Some sectors of society decide to go under the knife to enhance aesthetic appeal is becoming an order of the way with some individuals. The reason why
people
choose this
is to change their outlook. In my view, this
is a negative development because it leads to many consequences for our lives.
To begin
with, others change their outlook to be noticed easily in public. This
is because when a child is born they can't choose the appearance they want, it depends on the gene of their parents so it is lucky if their parents are good-looking but some children are not lucky like that. Because of the outlook, many people
have been bullied since they were kids and this
leads them to become self-deprecation that's why these kids find out surgery
to satisfy themselves. For instance
, in Korea, there are thousands of surgeries are done each year because of the word they call "beauty".
Moreover
, those going for modifications of the part of the body do so to make them more attractive to their admirers. There is a proverb: "People
are never satisfied with what they have" and that's true because once people
choose surgery
they become obsessed with it and keep doing it out of control although
the clinic they went to is not professional. For instance
, an idol in Korea named Park Bom who went for enhancement surgery
became a stranger when she was a teenager because of the continuous surgeries.
In conclusion, I know that everyone wants to become beautiful but beauty is not the most important. Those opting for surgery
should consider the aftermath it might provide for them because , in the end, the damage is not palatable.Submitted by baonhi260804 on
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coherence cohesion
Focus on a clear thesis statement in your introduction to guide the reader on your stance and main points for a stronger foundation.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the organization of your essay by making paragraphs more distinct, each geared towards a specific idea or example, which leads to better logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate more varied sentence structures and transition words to improve the readability and flow between your ideas.
task achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion on the topic by covering both sides evenly before stating your opinion. This will add depth to your analysis and showcase a complete response.
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Provide more detailed examples and personal reflections to deepen the support for your arguments. This makes your essay more persuasive and engaging.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a clear and concise conclusion that summarizes your key points and restates your position on the topic. This reinforces your argument to the reader.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite