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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries, a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenagers. Why has this happened? What can be done to deal with this

#countries #proportion #acts #teenagers
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One of the reasons for the increase in
crime
 among juveniles is the lack of
education
 from an early age. To explain more clearly, if children do not receive a thorough
education
 from an early age, they will not be taught
as well as
 learn and be aware of right and wrong, which will lead to deviant and criminal concepts.
For example
, a WHO survey found that about 65% of children in underdeveloped countries are at high risk of committing a
crime
 as adults.
Therefore
, the lack of effective
education
 is a cause of
this
 problem Another reason for the increase in juvenile
crime
 is their poor background.
In other words
, when a child is born into a criminal family, the child from an early age has distorted and erroneous thoughts;
Moreover
, because their parents portray their relatives as criminals, children easily develop false perceptions and gradually become criminals.
Therefore
, the adverse background circumstances behind a child are
also
 a cause for great concern
However
, to be able to prevent
this
 problem, the government and parents can develop an early prevention and prevention program. Going deeper,
this
 program can help youth deal with the issues they are experiencing including mentoring, counselling, after-school activities and community outreach initiatives that provide positive alternatives to illegal behaviour. From there, we can prevent it from afar and at the earliest opportunity, thereby reducing the rate of youth
crime
 today. In short,
while
 lack of
education
 and poor background will lead to an increase in youth
crime
,
this
 can be addressed with early intervention and prevention programs.
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coherence cohesion
You could strengthen your essay by starting with a clear introduction that outlines what you'll be discussing. This helps to frame your argument and makes it easier for the reader to follow.
task achievement
While your main points are clear and well-supported, including more specific examples or data could improve the overall persuasiveness of your argument. Consider incorporating different perspectives or studies to broaden your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion is concise and to the point, but it could be made stronger by briefly summarizing the main points you've made in your essay.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, particularly about the reasons for the increase in youth crime and potential solutions.
coherence cohesion
You have provided logical and structured arguments, which contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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