Some believe that violent computer games are just a form of entertainment, while others think they lead directly to violent behavior. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the modern world, everyone can acquire information from their devices
such
as iPhones
throughout
Change preposition
through
show examples
the internet. The majority of individuals of all ages utilize the online platform for seeking knowledge rather than books or daily
magazines
. I strongly agree with
this
statement. My opinion will be illustrated in the following paragraph.
To begin
with,
people
can receive data whenever they are required by just typing in search engines
such
as Google and Safari. Electronic devices make information easier accessible anytime and anywhere, and
this
can help to decrease the greenhouse house or climate change caused by cutting trees
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and using the amount of water
that is
used in printed books or
magazines
.
For example
, my mom used to read daily news in the morning so she used her phone to search the news on Google
instead
of buying
magazines
.
Although
, Digital consumption of information is considered more environmentally friendly compared to printed materials. E-books and online
magazines
can be cheaper than their printed counterparts, and some digital resources are eventually free, so they might be suitable for
people
who have low
income
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
show examples
.
For instance
, the student does not have a salary, but he
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
to buy manga to read;
otherwise
,
this
leads to digital e-books that have manga for free.
To sum up
, Electronic devices can be more convenient for
people
who do not want to spend less money and time.
In addition
, I think that in the future
people
could use electronic products
instead
of books and
magazines
and will be
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
less than now.
Submitted by napatnp18065322 on

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task response
The essay does not fully address the task prompt (discussing both views on violent computer games). Make sure to stay on topic and address all parts of the prompt.
task response
The essay mentions examples relevant to digital information sources, but it should provide specific examples related to the impact of violent computer games to fully meet the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and that there's a logical flow between paragraphs. Transition words and phrases can help improve cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion should summarize the main points discussed about violent computer games, providing a clear statement on your opinion based on the arguments presented.
task response
The essay includes relevant examples and a clear opinion which is supported by explanations.
coherence cohesion
The introductory and concluding paragraphs are present and relevant to the topic of digital information sources, though not the task prompt.

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