Some people say that what children watch influences their behaviour. Others believe the amount of time they spend on television influences their be haviour most. Discuss both vie ws and give your opinion.

#people #children #influences #behaviour #amount #time #television #haviour #ws

It was argued by some people that what

children

see on television will be influenced by their actions, the opposing view says that how much amount of

time

children

spend watching

affects their behaviour. There are many important

channels

child can spend their

time

watching and spending some negative

channels

will give negative thoughts.

Firstly

, there are many of useful content they can learn from the channel. They can observe communication skills from English

channels

like HBO,

Movie

Correct word choice

and Movie

show examples

Now, and watching these shows can help

children

develop their communication skills and critical thinking.

Secondly

, the

children

should utilise their

time

for good content and to obtain knowledge,

for instance

channels

like TED Talk, news, and national geography from

this

they can learn about current affairs, and the ecosystem and get life ideas from experienced persons.

On the other hand

, the more amount of

time

spent on

will cause huge problems like obesity, back pain and headaches. They can lose focus on studies, and other activities like sports and it will affect their mental health. The more they watched

it felt like an addiction and they could not avoid watching television,

for example

, my cousin's daughter always used to watch

all the

time

during the day and it caused so many health problems like wearing eyeglasses at the age of 10. In conclusion,

while

television has both positive and negative effects on

children

. Parents should encourage

children

to watch educational content and limit their screen

time

, so

children

can gain useful knowledge

while

avoiding the risks of too much

Submitted by insighttribez on Sun Sep 29 2024

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grammar

Make sure to thoroughly check the essay for grammatical and syntactical accuracy. Phrases like 'It was argued' should be corrected to 'It is argued'. Also, 'the more they watched TV it felt like an addiction' could be improved to 'more TV watching leads to addiction'. Proper grammar enhances clarity.

coherence

To achieve higher coherence, ensure that ideas flow logically. Some sentences can be connected more fluidly. For instance, 'Firstly, there are many of useful content' can be rephrased as 'Firstly, there is a lot of useful content'. Improved transitions result in better readability.

task response

The essay provides a balanced discussion of both views, which is a strong point in achieving task response.

conclusion

The conclusion is clear and sums up the essay effectively, providing a thoughtful solution by involving parental guidance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

264 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say that what children watch influences their behaviour. Others believe the amount of time they spend on television influences their be haviour most. Discuss both vie ws and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Being able to speak a foreign language is an advantage these days. Some people think that children should start learning a foreign language at primary school, while others think children should begin in secondary school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

many people today are choosing to travel to other countries. why is this happening? is this a positive or negetive development?

Some young people decide to start their own business rather than for a company. What are the benefits and drawbacks of this tendency?